If You Canít Trust Chalabi-the-Thief, Whom Can You Trust?
by Ron Unz
that classic compendium of American national security strategy "Get
Smart," one of the more amusing episodes concerns the doings of
a certain Freddie-the-Forger. Our shrewd espionage agent from
CONTROL was at first reluctant to trust the good gentleman in question,
given the latter's very long list of criminal convictions.
But Agent Smart is finally persuaded of the man's bona fides when
the latter provides numerous extremely persuasive letters of recommendation
and moral commendation, signed by such unimpeachable judges of good
character as Albert Einstein, Mahatma Gandhi, and the Pope.
all, if Freddie-the-Forger has a personal Thank You note signed
by the Vicar of Christ himself, how can he really be dishonest?
I am shocked absolutely shocked that the ultimate
source of most of the pre-war Iraq intelligence cited by both our
esteemed President Bush and also by those intrepid journalists of
the august New York Times, namely our good friend Ahmed Chalabi-the-Thief,
is now under strong suspicions
of dishonesty. That the gentleman previously convicted
of the largest bank fraud in the history of the modern Middle East
whereby he acquired both tens of millions in ready cash as
well the highly descriptive epithet by which he is universally known
in that region of the world would actually be less than scrupulously
candid with his American partners is simply too much to accept.
just as his continued defenders such as Richard Perle and the
other neocons maintain, President Bush has surely lapsed into
naïve liberal error by questioning the honesty of Chalabi-the-Thief,
that prospective George Washington of his native and benighted land.
the rumors swirling in the aftermath of the American raid on Chalabi-the-Thief's
palatial villa are highly disturbing. For example, our own
Defense Intelligence Agency now claims to possess hard evidence
that the target of their probe passed our American military secrets
which he had somehow mysteriously acquired straight
into the hands of his Iranian allies, perhaps causing the deaths
of American servicemen as a consequence. Furthermore, they
claim to have proof that Chalabi-the-Thief's own chief intelligence
aide is actually a paid agent of the Iranian Secret Service, and
speculate that perhaps our entire Iraq War originated as a plot
by Tehran's hard-line mullahs to finally rid themselves of their
arch-enemy, Saddam Hussein.
are also more mundane charges, namely that the close relatives of
Chalabi-the-Thief, who by purest coincidence ended up controlling
Iraq's Finance Ministry, embezzled some tens of millions of American
dollars over the last few months; but in this case, the money probably
constituted a legitimate, if perhaps somewhat unauthorized, performance
bonus, considering the rather meager tens of millions of American
dollars we had been officially paying Chalabi-the-Thief and his
associates since President Bush's inauguration.
if indeed, the Iranian mullahs were the actual architects of our
Iraq War, we must not judge them too harshly when we consider the
enormous provocation they had endured. After all, our esteemed
President's justly-famous "Axis of Evil" speech had granted them
but a grudging third-place standing among the most Evil enemies
of America in the world, surely a terrible humiliation, made absolutely
unendurable considering that their hated rival Saddam was placed
a full two Levels of Evil higher. The gnashing of teeth following
Friday prayers that week in the Holy City of Qom must have been
quite fearsome, surely loud enough to be heard all the way to Baghdad
or perhaps even Washington.
we must also not automatically condemn all of Chalabi-the-Thief's
American cheer-leaders as irredeemably gullible. If, as I strongly
suspect, the secret Swiss bank accounts of Richard Perle and his
friends have seen additions of enormously large size over the past
few years, they should be commended as the shrewd and highly entrepreneurial
small-businessmen they are, true exemplars of exactly that spirit
of Democratic Capitalism so lovingly praised in the stirring rhetoric
of Jack Kemp. And in more practical terms, the taxable portion
of all those Swiss millions received whose ultimate source
was presumably Iranian oil revenues might perhaps put a very
in our sadly burgeoning national budget deficit.
once the dust settles, perhaps we should even erect a statue to
the crucial historical figure who made all this American success
possible, our most loyal friend and ally Chalabi-the-Thief.
After all, just as our esteemed President had so eloquently explained
in January's State-of-the-Union Address: "If I can't trust my good
buddy Chalabi-the-Thief, who can I trust?"
Unz [send him mail] is
a Silicon Valley software developer and head of English
for the Children.
© 2004 LewRockwell.com