I don't know how many women are regular visitors at LRC, but since I am one of them, I imagine there must be quite a few others who are just as smart. On this assumption – and inspired, I must say, by Susan Hogarth's recent piece on the Veil Monster – I think I should fess up and tell you that I've been thinking for some time about the Burqa as an ideal solution to the irksome problems women have when it comes to u2018looking good' every day. Of course, men also have to fuss with u2018looking good' every day; but for them, the process is nowhere near as tricky and time-consuming (not to mention pricey) as it is for women. So, I'm tempted to try getting a fashion trend going – or maybe even a rage – for American-style, mercifully time-saving Burqas. It could catch on here first, where women tend to be overwhelmed with having to run a household as well as bring in the family's second income (or even the only income). And eventually – who knows – the merciful Burqa could spread into the culture of the entire Western world.
Just think: no more fretting over a bad-hair day; no more fuss over "what-should-I-wear"; no more worry about what-matches-what; no more blowing the better part of an hour on perfect eyebrows, sexier eyeshadow, discreet eye-liner, enhanced eyelashes, effective application of blemish concealer, efficient deletion of shiny spots, and just the right touch of blush in just the right places. Plus – just think: no more pain from those clip-on earrings!
OK, I admit I hate getting dressed up (well, at least when it's not for that One Special Man) – and the older I get (which is happening much too fast), the more onerous u2018looking good' becomes; and so, naturally, the more I hate it. Time is precious!
Therefore, I, for one, would welcome the Burqa as a fashion trend, and with open arms.
Perhaps a good place to start would be with the public high-school crowd. These kids are always looking for new and outrageous ways to dress, anyway. If a few girls started showing up at school in head-to-toe Burqas, it would probably drive the boys wild.
A girl to whom the guys had rarely given a second look before would get their full attention. What a boon to the quiet wallflower with thick glasses. And, actually, it could be likewise for the drop-dead gorgeous potential Prom queen. No longer distracted by a girl's physical attributes, or lack thereof, everyone would finally discover how witty she is, or how kind or how wise. Her whole life might change.
If I have piqued anyone's interest in joining my push for a Burqa fashion trend, I'm happy to tell you that you can find Burqa outlets right here in the US (including at eBay); and you can even order a Burqa directly from far-away places such as Pakistan. Just go to Google and type-in "Burqas." You'll find some great photos of several Middle-Eastern varieties, and if you are good with a sewing machine, you can also get plenty of ideas for making a Burqa of your own. You could even create a style that suits your personal sense of fashion.
And if the idea never makes it as far as WalMart or the Spiegel catalog, well, there's always Halloween.
May 10, 2004
Joanna Parker (send her mail) is an escape from teaching in government schools and [left-]leaning Ivory Towers, successively.
