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Obama Cuts Salaries for Presidents of Universities that Receive Federal Money

$100,000 annual cap enrages literati, “Violates academic freedom,” one president declares, from his limousine’s satellite phone.

Obama Limits Baseball Salaries to $100,000 per Player per Year

Administration points to baseball’s antitrust exemption as authority; “This could force our players to gamble on the side and maybe throw the world series even” says players union president.

Obama Limits Salaries of Former Government Employees

$100,000 a year ceiling enrages lobbyists, retired generals, and Trent Lott.

Obama Caps Federal Retirement Pensions

“These benefits should be no higher than those of the private sector taxpayers who pay the taxes to support them,” President says. Government Employee Union president threatens a general strike, scratches his head for a moment, and then retracts statement “pending further discussions.”

And then I woke up.

1:11 pm on February 5, 2009