An Open Letter to the FBI

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Dear FBI:

It’s been all over the news the past few days that the cell phones of the Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence and quite a few other Hollywood luminaries have been hacked, and the naked selfies they had taken of themselves put up on the internet.  It has also been reported in the news that the FBI is investigating and is determined to track down the culprit.

I believe it is my civic duty to inform you that I think I know who the culprit is.  Perhaps you no longer get the Washington Post or New York Times due to all those “budget cuts” I keep reading about, but it was reported there a couple of years ago that the National Security Agency (NSA) has hacked into EVERYONE’s cell phone — even people in other countries.  So if you want to know who has secretly and illegally stolen naked pictures of movie actresses — or anyone else — I recommend that you contact the NSA.  After that, if I were you, I would then investigate the TSA.  It’s hard to believe, but I’ve heard rumors that they have been taking naked “x-ray” pictures of people at airports.

 

A Concerned Citizen

7:39 am on September 3, 2014