McCall Withdraws –
Dems Back Smith
by
Richard Cummings
In
a stunning political collapse, New York State Democratic candidate
for governor, State Comptroller Carl McCall, has withdrawn from
the race. He sited recent revelations of letters to companies to
which he wrote on government stationery, recommending relatives
for jobs with the companies while pointing out the extent of state
pension fund shareholdings in those companies.
An
emergency session of the New York State Democratic Committee promptly
nominated the late governor Alfred E. Smith as its candidate, assuring
election officials that scientists at the Cornell Medical School
had successfully cloned Smith from DNA extracted from his remains,
which were exhumed from his gravesite.
His
familiar bulbous nose glowing and his gravely voice intact, Smith
told a boisterous crowd in front of City Hall in New York that he
was in the race to win. Waving his bowler hat and holding a cigar,
Smith shouted:
"What
is a ‘Pataki?’ It sounds like some kind of dish, like Veal Pataki!"
He
beamed at the cheers of the crowed, booming:
"Let’s
look at the record. I have done more dead than George Pataki has
done alive."
"We
luv ya’, Al," a fat, red-faced woman yelled.
"And
I love you too, All of you," Smith said. "March with me all the
way to Albany."
As
Smith finished his remarks to wild cheering, the band struck up
his famous theme song, "The Sidewalks of New York." Overwhelmed
with nostalgia, Rudolph Giuliani ran up to Smith and embraced him.
"Sorry, George," he apologized, "I’ve gotta go with Al."
Meanwhile,
a news alert reported that in a debate with GOP candidate for United
States Senator for New Jersey, Donald R. Forrester, Senator Robert
Torricelli’s replacement, 78-year old former senator, Frank R. Lautenberg,
who was nominated to replace Torricelli, who quit the race as corruption
charges dogged him, collapsed and died while denouncing Forrester
as a "nonentity and a tool of the warmongering Bush administration."
Minutes
after Lautenberg’s body was whisked from the t.v. studio, the New
Jersey Democratic Committee announced his replacement, Woodrow Wilson.
A resident of New Jersey, the late former president also served
as the state’s most illustrious governor. Wilson was reported to
have remarked when he was assured of the nomination, "We must make
the world safe for democracy,"
When
asked his opinion of President George W. Bush’s plan to assassinate
Saddam Hussein, Wilson quipped, "Better him than me."
October
4, 2002
Richard
Cummings [send
him mail] taught international law at the Haile Selassie
I University and before that, was Attorney-Advisor with the Office
of General Counsel of the Near East South Asia region of U.S.A.I.D,
where he was responsible for the legal work pertaining to the aid
program in Israel, Jordan, Pakistan and Afghanistan. He is the author
The Pied Piper – Allard K. Lowenstein and the Liberal Dream,
the comedy, Soccer Moms From Hell, and the forthcoming novel,
The Immortalists.
Copyright
© 2002 by LewRockwell.com
Richard
Cummings Archives
|
