The other night,
Emperor Palpatine gave his State of the Empire speech. You know,
the Sith Lord from Star
Wars. He channeled his Dark Presence right into the Capitol
Building, where he transmogrified into our soon-to-be Galactic
Emperor. I am far from the only person who noticed this, which proves
I was not hallucinating. See for yourself.
Palpatine,
from the movie:
The clone
troopers, and proudly wearing the name of Imperial stormtroopers,
have tackled the dangerous work of fighting our enemies on the
front lines. Many have died in their devotion to the Empire. Imperial
citizens would do well to remember their example.
Palpatine (nee
Obama) from the Capitol:
Together,
we offered a final, proud salute to the colors under which more
than a million of our fellow citizens fought – and several
thousand gave their lives… We gather tonight knowing that
this generation of heroes has made the United States safer and
more respected around the world… Imagine what we could accomplish
if we followed their example.
Palpatine,
from the movie:
Imperial
citizens must do their part. Join our grand star fleet. Become
the eyes of the Empire by reporting suspected insurrectionists.
Travel to the corners of the galaxy to spread the principles of
the New Order to barbarians. Build monuments and technical wonders
that will speak of our glory for generations to come.
Palpatine (nee
Obama) from the Capitol:
The defining
issue of our time is how to keep that promise alive. No challenge
is more urgent. No debate is more important. We can either settle
for a country where a shrinking number of people do really well,
while a growing number of Americans barely get by. Or we can restore
an economy where everyone gets a fair shot, everyone does their
fair share, and everyone plays by the same set of rules. What’s
at stake are not Democratic values or Republican values, but American
values. We have to reclaim them.
Palpatine,
from the movie:
By bringing
the entire galaxy under one law, one language, and the enlightened
guidance of one individual, the corruption that plagued the Republic
in its later years will never take root. Regional governors will
eliminate the bureaucracy that allowed the Separatist movement
to grow unchecked. A strong and growing military will ensure the
rule of law.
Palpatine (nee
Obama) from the Capitol:
The executive
branch also needs to change. Too often, it’s inefficient,
outdated and remote. That’s why I’ve asked this Congress
to grant me the authority to consolidate the federal bureaucracy
so that our Government is leaner, quicker, and more responsive
to the needs of the American people… With or without this
Congress, I will keep taking actions that help the economy grow.
Palpatine,
from the movie:
The New Order
of peace has triumphed over the shadowy secrecy of shamful magicians.
The direction of our course is clear. I will lead the Empire to
glories beyond imagination.
Palpatine (nee
Obama) from the Capitol:
The state
of our Union is getting stronger. And we’ve come too far
to turn back now. As long as I’m President, I will work with
anyone in this chamber to build on this momentum. But I intend
to fight obstruction with action, and I will oppose any effort
to return to the very same policies that brought on this economic
crisis in the first place…. in this moment of trial, there
is no challenge too great; no mission too hard. As long as we’re
joined in common purpose, as long as we maintain our common resolve,
our journey moves forward, our future is hopeful, and the state
of our Union will always be strong.
Palpatine,
from the movie:
We have been
tested, but we have emerged stronger. We moved forward as one
people – the Imperial citizens of the first Galactic Empire.
We will prevail. Ten thousand years of peace begins today.
Cue thunderous
applause – in both houses.
We’ve
grown so used to rule by executive fiat, to “we must”
this and “we must” that - that it’s not much
of a stretch to hear the softly sinister tones of Palpatine’s
voice coming out of Obama’s mouth.
Or The Chimp’s
before him.
Soon even the
niceties of referring to “democracy,” the “Constitution”
and “protecting us” will no longer be necessary. We will
see naked force in all its glory, strutting once more upon the stage
of history.
