My Backward-Classroom

Come, peek inside my classroom and witness its vast array of inefficiencies

Witness as my students slave over long division and fraction addition with hundred-year-old technologies, while those rectangular calculating instruments are sitting forgotton on our dusty shelves. Soon the teaching will begin as will the daydreaming, yet maybe I will play foolish games today in order to keep my students’ attention. After all, is it not common to employ individuals who have a graduate education to play computation bingo and other math games 180 days a year? Surely no one devoid of six years of education is capable of playing games like these, cloaked under the rubric of learning.

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For the amount of work I do my salary is more than sufficient but sometime this week I may swing by the teacher lounge so that I can hear how dreadful we educators have it. I am contracted to work 180 days a year for nearly $40,000. After my two personal days and at least five sick days I will only have worked 173 days. Of course, we must factor in at least a week’s worth of snow day cancellations or delays, about six early release days, five assemblies, three field trips and numerous teacher work days. All in all I probably work 160 days a year for 40,000 dollars or roughly $31 dollars an hour (40,000/160days/8hours). Yet, since my day only involves four one-hour classes of teaching, lunch, study hall (shut up and read time) and planning period (listen to radio time) my hourly figure should probably be adjusted upward. Nevertheless, enough about me, on to my students

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My typical classroom consists of 15 average Joes, 3 gifted kids and 3 Forest Gump's (thanks to no child left behind). The 3 gifted kids provide copying opportunities to at least six average Joes who exploit them to their fullest. In return, the gifted kids may be allowed to sit at their lunch table or be picked to play football during gym or recess. The Forrest Gump's provide plenty of laughing stock for the rest of the class as well as add an outlier into the curriculum pace. This works out well for them, for they get to pick their nose while staring into space, have their emotions tested by their peers, all so that they can sit in the same classroom under the label "normal."

Grading is easy. No one is allowed a grade under 50 percent. So, you may do half of your homework (50%), turn in your homework late (50%) or not do your homework (50%). The same applies for quiz or test grades. Therefore, a child need only do 10% of the work in a year in order to receive a passing grade of 60%, though this is too much for some and thus we must pay teachers additional money to teach them over the summer. Yet, times are tough. This year our district didn't possess the funding to pay teachers to teach summer school, so, we just passed everyone!

My supervisors are numerous and their oversight is always felt. I am frequently observed by my principal, assistant principal, team lead, school math dean, district math dean, state dean of mathematics, the instructional specialist, and, on occasion, school board members and though they all give me contradicting advice (more games, less games, etc.), they truly only care about the end of the school year state test. As long as a specific percentage of my kids pass their SOL test (and it is my job to find out who those "golden kids" are and to devote the majority of my attention to them) they are happy.

This my friends is the unearthly inefficient system of public schools.

September 14, 2009