Fifty Ways To Count Your Voters

by Wendy McElroy

To the tune of "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover."

"Florida is going to George Bush" they said to me
Your political ambitions will soon be history;
But William Daley said, just leave it all to me,
There must be fifty ways to count your voters.

He said, three counties are all that we will need
If they're mostly Democratic it is almost guaranteed
Just demand a recount, we can surely take the lead
There must be fifty ways to count your voters.
Fifty ways to count your voters.

Just punch out the chad, Brad, count 'em by hand, Stan
Hold it to the light, Dwight, new votes you will see.
Read their intent, Brent, we know what they really meant!
The dimples are mine, Klein, just call 'em for me.

(Repeat once)

I say machines can count the cards but not the votes
Only human eyes are trusted, when ballots you would tote
The voters' pain has touched me, so on the news I'll gloat
about the fifty ways....

I said, why don't we all just give it ample time
Do not rush to hasty judgment on a matter of this kind
Just keep on doing recounts, until the race is mine
There must be fifty ways to count your voters.
Fifty ways to count your voters.

Just punch out the chad, Brad, count 'em by hand, Stan
Hold it to the light, Dwight, new votes you will see.
Call in the court, Mort, I'm only a few short!
Recount all of Dade, Slade, and call it for me.

From ifeminists.com's newsletter, InsiderUpdate.

December 1, 2000

Wendy McElroy is author of The Reasonable Woman. See more of her work at ifeminists.com and at her personal website.

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