What Would Lincoln Do . . .

. . . if he was the British prime minister today, and Scotland voted to peacefully secede?

Well, he would have already orchestrated a terrorist bombing or two in London while claiming that Scottish separatists were responsible.  He would then speechify that if Scotland could secede from the U.K., then so could London, and Manchester, and even individual British subjects.  “This would be the essence of anarchy,” he would announce, and “can never be tolerated.”

Then he would invade Scotland, perhaps by first firing a warning shot with one of his smaller nukes.  The British Army and Navy would enforce an “Anaconda Plan” of starvation blockades, as part of the overall war plan of waging total war on the civilian population.  When human rights activists complain about the thousands of dead Scottish civilians, including thousands of children, Abe would blame the victims, saying that none of that would have happened if the Scots had not seceded.  “The mystic chords of union must be preserved at all cost,” he would say.

Assisted by the rhetoric of the contemporary Lincoln cult, he would quote High Priest Harry Jaffa, who once said that secession is not justified at any time under any circumstances.  Case closed.  Let the bombing begin.  Dissenters would be imprisoned without due process, opposition newspapers and all internet criticism would be banned as treasonous, and members of the British parliament who opposed him would be threatened with arrest, imprisonment, and deportation (That would be called “the Vallandigham strategy”).  The Lincoln cult would assure everyone that this kind of dictatorial tyranny was necessary for “a new birth of freedom” all throughout the British Empire.  Crackpot preachers (perhaps Rev. Hagee ) would be recruited to compose anthems proclaiming all of this to be God’s will.

Scotland would then be on the road to endless “reconstruction” at the hands of the British bureaucrats in London, lasting at least ten generations.

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1:05 pm on September 13, 2014