Government Rehab

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The war on drugs is a very profitable gambit for the state and its minions and parasites.  In addition to spending  billions creating a military police state to supposedly “police” drug consumption, billions more for all the ridiculous “just say no” programs in government schools, and even more for endless “studies” of drugs by the state’s kept academics, the state also spends astronomical amounts on “drug rehab.” So called.  I recently had an opportunity to observe first hand what government-subsidized “drug rehab” looks like because there are several “halfway houses” near the Starbucks where I consume my daily cappuccino, and there are always a dozen or more young drug “rehabbers” hanging out there.  Judging from their appearance and behavior, I’d say the following are what your tax dollars are teaching these young people to do to rehabilitate themselves:

1. Do not apply for a job or take a job.

2. Dress like an idiot.  For males, this means baggy basketball shorts, preferably with at least half of your ass hanging out.  “Wifebeater” tee shirt; ugliest tattoos you can find covering all arms and legs; Crazy Googenheim-style ball cap placed sideways on your head.  For females, well, just dress like a hooker.  Dress like this, identical to every other rehabber so that if your parents pressure you to get a job, it is unlikely that anyone would actually hire you.  If your parents complain about it, tell them you are “expressing your individuality.”

3. Hang out all day and all night at a Starbucks or other similar establishment consuming massive amounts of caffeine through coffee and Monster Energy Drinks (which have nine times the caffeine of regular Starbucks coffee).

4. If you are not a chain smoker of cigarettes, take up the habit.  Never, ever, use an ashtray.  It’s too “establishment.”

5.  Try not to speak a sentence without at least one F-bomb in it.

6.  Associate only with “former” drug addicts.

7. Get on food stamps.

8.  Get on Medicaid and SSI (Supplemental Social Security Income).

Do all of these things, and you will be, as is stated on the sides of the minivans that drive the “rebabbers” to and from Starbucks every day, “on the road to recovery.”

10:50 am on August 11, 2013