by Walter Block by Walter Block
To Mr. Ahmadinejad:
I am writing you for one purpose, and one purpose only: to decrease the chances that the U.S. government will soon begin dropping bombs on your country. I have many and serious reasons for wanting such an eventuality not to occur. Let me here just share a single personal one.
What, then, can you do in my opinion to render such a horrific act from occurring? Several things.
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Please stop with this "Great Satan" business. Yes, my country is out of control, on a murderous rampage. See on this here, here, here, here, here, here, here and here. But how is name calling going to call off the dogs of war? Simply put, it will not. So, which is more important to you: criticizing George Bush, or stopping the bombs? Of course, the latter. Please put a lid on this.
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Give a few speeches to the effect that you seek peace with everyone, including the U.S. I don’t care if you cross your fingers behind your back when you say this. Say it anyway. Say it often, and as sincerely as you can. Hey, once you can fake sincerity, you can pretty much do anything. Remember, my purpose in writing this letter is a single solitary one: to save innocent Iranians from being murdered en masse.
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Emphasize the point that you, too, hated Saddam Hussein. He invaded your country, did he not? Of course, the U.S. aided and abetted him in this nefarious scheme, but so what. You hate him. Repeat after me: you hate Saddam Hussein. He’s a modern day Hitler, a monster. Quote George Bush and his minions to this effect. This will show that you and Bush agree on this important issue. Compliment George on his insight on this matter, even if it is a bit late in the day.
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Give a speech in an Iranian synagogue. Put your hands on the shoulders of a few Rabbis. Shake their hands. Get some credit for the charitable and humane way you have treated the Jews of Iran.
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The U.S. has recently dispatched some warships to your neighborhood. You should send some small craft out there to meet these sailors, with a white flag, with women only on board, offering them flowers and fruit. Pictures should be taken of this and heavily publicized. These pictures should be taken both before and after this event, particularly beforehand. My fear is that these warships will blast these small boats out of the water before they even arrive there unless they are fully aware that the boats have women only on board, and are “armed” with only fruits and flowers. If the entire world knows of the peaceful intention of these women, they will to that extent be safer.
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I think, but I cannot be sure, that one of the reasons George 43 invaded Iraq was due to the threat of Hussein against his father, George 41. Distinguish yourself from Hussein in this regard.
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Surely, you have some sort of common ground with the present president of the U.S.? Maybe a love of sports? Horseback riding? Love of your respective children? A belief in God? Appreciation of the beauty of sunsets? There must be something. Set your researchers to the task of discerning this commonality. Then, mention this in open letters of your own. None of this constitutes cowardice. Remember, many Iranian lives are at stake. Bush has the power, I fear, and maybe the will, to actually employ nuclear weapons against you. He is only looking for an excuse to do so. This horror must be averted.
I do not say that any of this will work. There are no guarantees in life, as you full well know. However, if you get into the spirit of these suggestions (many more instances will suggest themselves to you), you will at least be doing your part to reduce the probability of an unmitigated disaster. My country, unhappily, has already demonstrated its willingness to drop atomic weaponry on innocent people. Please, please, please, do all you can to avert yet another such instance.
