Ok, folks, calm down. The knife attack at Ohio State University? Don’t worry, Emperor Obama will be along shortly to reassure us it wasn’t terrorism. It was just, um, a car accident, yeah, that’s it! And, well, um, he got flustered and forgot to drop the knife he was using to butter his croissant while driving. See, he was late for chess club practice, that’s all. And then a mean, racist cop shot him—for no apparent reason! Candlelight vigils for the poor guy are scheduled by the diversity committee. Move along folks, no terrorism there… ———-Walking Jack Perry