I’ve gotten a number of emails from folks asking if I have a blog. Well…no. But I will post things on this blog from time to time and title them “Walking Jack” and then a subject so people know it’s me. Why “Walking Jack”? That’s what I do, that’s how I get around. Hence, “Walking Jack”. On my travels, I see the America that America doesn’t talk about. So, without further ado, today’s observations:

I observed a sign demanding I vote NO on the ballot initiative to legalize marijuana. Why? According to the sign, to protect kids from getting a hold of marijuana. So…does this mean the kids will be given free marijuana if the measure passes? That’ll be some trick-or-treat for Halloween next year, what? With the right costume, I suppose I could pass for a kid and take advantage of this great service! Of course, this is absurd. Good weed costs money. No one is going to waste it giving it to kids who already have access to drugs from pediatricians who call it “medication”. Let’s float down to reality here, scare mongers. I think the anti-marijuana weenies are two tablets short of a hydrocodone overdose. Not only that, but when I was in high school, it was far easier to get weed than booze and the booze was legal.

One of the other anti-weed signs is a billboard that shows a chocolate chip cookie and asks if you would recognize it as marijuana. This is in reference to edible marijuana, also known as Alice B. Toklas Brownies (Mmmmm! Brownies!), majoun, and Super Sesame Crackle, and so on. Yeah, well, never mind all the unhealthy food out there that causes childhood obesity to skyrocket, right? Never mind all the legal prescription drugs the kids get a hold of and overdose on. Again, people that have paid good money for the primo aren’t going to leave it lying around the house! It costs money! No, you lock it up not just because of the kids, but friends! I think Big Pharma has probably spent a few billion dollars on the anti-weed campaign here.  Now, I could say that if they really cared about “the kids” they’d have taken those billions of dollars and given away asthma inhalers for free to kids whose parents can’t afford them. Or maybe got cracking on a cure for cancer. Oh, wait, the promising research on that is in medical marijuana. My bad.

The economy is still as robust as an AMC Pacer with a blown head gasket. People are keeping their pennies now. Back in the day, you could find a couple bucks worth of change on a walk. Now we have street prospectors checking the coin return slots on vending machines all over the city and finding even that Gold Rush has ended. However, we must be doing better with jobs because I have noticed that two pizzerias here have been able to afford sign twirlers in front of their establishments. Plus, a sub sandwich shop has been able to afford one two days out of the week. These are good jobs, according to President Obama. However, there is strong competition out there for these jobs. People that can’t dance are at a disadvantage and have to wait for a slightly better job to open up slinging coffee. I discovered that job app for a certain coffeehouse requires a credit and background check. I was wholly unaware that embezzling coffee beans was such a widespread problem. Another sure sign of such a strong, rebounding economy. But does anyone recall that a “rebound” is either: A.) A shot in basketball that bounces off the rim and fails to make it in. B.) A relationship right after a failed one that carries into the new one all the baggage and problems as the previous. For once, I agree. The economy is rebounding.

That’s the word on the streets. If you’re looking for work in Tucson, check the listings for sign twirlers and be prepared to show proof of an associates degree in marketing to get it.

——-“Walking Jack” Perry

The Best of Jack Perry