Popular sessions at the Republican policy retreat this week!

DELAY, DELAY, DELAY: Running Out the Clock When You’re Behind

In this session you learn how to put off releasing secret political memos until the opposition has had plenty of time to neutralize them. Plus discover how to downplay your biggest news by putting it out on Friday ahead of the Super Bowl. This is a special skill in Republican circles. You’ll come away armed and ready to insure that we maintain our disadvantages for year to come!

SOW’S EARS FROM SILK PURSES: Powerful Leadership Tips!

Featuring a special appearance by Mitch McConnell.   You’ll delight in the Senator’s uproarious sense of humor while you learn some of the reasons why we’re called The Stupid Party.

PRIORITIES, PASSIVITY, AND POT!

Learn how to look busy by bothering pot smokers while the Deep State runs wild and Washington’s Cronies steal everything not nailed down! Attorney General Jeff “No Department is Perfect” Sessions answers all your questions about winning the drug war!

AND NEW THIS YEAR…  We’ve added a special evening breakout session…

“Especially for Neocon Warmongers.” It’s a heartfelt tribute to John McCain, with karaoke performances by Tom Cotton (“War! What is it good for? Absolutely everything!”) and Lindsay Graham, (“All we are saying, is give nukes a chance.”) Senator McCain won’t be able to make it in person, but for your dining and dancing pleasure we’ve located a special archival recording of his timeless classic “Bomb, bomb, bomb. Bomb, bomb Iran.”

As usual, dinner and drinks (and campaign contributions for attendees) provided by… Well, you know who they’re provided by!

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10:55 pm on February 2, 2018