I should have known it would be only a matter of time before a modern Alatheia – the Greek goddess of truth – would reveal to the world a personal characteristic of which I have been unaware: in my association with others, I am a “sophisticated Russian propaganda tool.” I had no conscious knowledge of this being so, but as it comes from one of the most revered seekers of truth, the Washington Post, it surely must be true. I was not identified by name as one of the “tools” so exposed in a recent article, but as an also-ran contributor of articles and blogs to LewRockwell.com, I must share in a guilt by association.

I suppose that evidence for my wrongdoing could be gleaned from the following facts, to which I admit. When in college, I read some of the works of Chekov and Dostoyevsky, and have long been a fan of the writings of Tolstoy. I have enjoyed the novels and other writings by the Russian-born Ayn Rand, and have read a great deal of the works of Karl Marx, whose thinking I have always rejected. While his ideas underlay Russian political thinking, the fact that Marx was of German heritage might be used to dismiss my criticism of him. I must also admit to a love for the music of such Russian composers as Stravinsky, Prokofiev, and Tchaikovsky. That one of my granddaughters will be dancing in her fifth annual ballet of The Nutcracker this Christmas season, will probably be offered as further evidence of the depths of my “propagandizing sophistication.” I also confess to the following: I have a friend who owns an original Chagal painting; on a rare occasion I will enjoy a vodka-based mixed-drink; and, when I am in New York City, I am likely to have either a lunch or dinner at the “Russian Tea Room.”

I have such hurt feelings over the personal wickedness of which I was unaware. I wonder if the people at WaPo would allow me to wait in one of their “safe rooms,” where I might enjoy a hot chocolate as I await the grief counselor to come console me!

The Best of Butler Shaffer