Herr Doktor’s Plans for His Subjects–Sorry, Patients

MarkP reports that the remarks from

Scott in Colorado re: his dentist … reminded me that I’m supposed to be rescheduling my (dental) cleaning appointment (cancelled back in April because of the plague … *cough* … I mean Covid-19). …

Thought I’d visit my dentist’s website to see what he has planned for me:

[I’ve put MarkP’s reactions to Herr Doktor in bold]

Covid-19 Update:

We Are Excited To Announce That Our Office Will Reopen On May 11th, 2020.

Why exactly did you close in the first place? I don’t recall you shutting down during the flu season for any of the past XX years.

We hope you and your family are in good health. Our community has been through a lot over the last few months, and all of us are looking forward to resuming our normal habits and routines

Uh huh; when you really, Really, REALLY return to ‘normal’ I may give you a call.

… Due to updated guidelines from the CDC and ADA

—and Federal Bureau of Prisons – BOP—

we have implemented new protocols to be adhered to in the clinical and nonclinical areas of our office to continue to provide a safe atmosphere for our patients and staff. Some changes will include:

Patient screening before all appointments are made and we ask you to wear a mask when entering the building. Please bring a mask if you have one.

Yeah, right; don’t hold yer breath!

Ahem: but isn’t that an occupational hazard of muzzles?

Patients will check in over the phone and we will ask for our patients to wait in their cars as we complete an additional day-of-appointment screening form. This will minimize the use of our waiting room. When your provider and treatment area is ready we will call or wave you in.

Can I request red smoke or signal flare instead? sorry, ex-Army guy here.

We will scan each patient’s temperature and review screening questions for all entering the building.

Only patients receiving care will be permitted for entry. Parents of child patients will be asked to wait in their vehicle during the appointment.

And since the days are getting quite hot here in the upper midwest of the USSA, please ensure your windows are cracked and you have a bowl, er, bottle of water to keep yourself hydrated; if you start to feel faint and/or overheated – while sitting in your car – please call 911 to request an officer come by to knock out your window 

…The dental office team will also be screened with the same protocol as patients at the beginning of each work day.

But, um, who’s going to screen the first screener?

The dental office team will be wearing masks throughout the day and we encourage you to do so as well before and after your care.

*Dang* I was really hoping they had suggested wearing a mask *during* my (dental) cleaning – would’ve had a good time with that one, eh!

Clinical staff may also be wearing additional Personal Protective Equipment (PPE).

‘Additional’ ? you mean besides the ‘normal’ gloves, mask, face shield, and apron?

…Medical Grade HEPA-13 air purifiers will be installed in each treatment room, as well as the reception area.

You mean the same reception area we’re not allowed to use?

…Thank you for being our patient. We value your trust and loyalty and look forward to welcoming back our patients, neighbors, and friends

to our new prison-themed offices.

MarkP concludes, “Guess I’ll be saving myself some additional $$ every 6 months.” Boycotts are not only effective at conveying our displeasure to an entrepreneur, they save their participants money.


10:23 am on July 10, 2020