Bugs Bunny At 30,000 Feet

Doug reports,

I found myself needing to fly for the first time in the age of covidiocy, to visit my mother, who may not be around much longer. A four hour flight. Too far to drive. I read on the airline’s website that masks are required on the plane at all times, except when eating. So I thought I would exploit that loophole. As I always have, I brought food with me, a sandwich and some carrots. Masks were required in the airport as well, but I saw a lot of people, including airport employees, wearing them below their noses to breathe normally, so I joined them. As I boarded the plane, the head stewardess (if I may use that retro term), appropriately named Karen (I kid you not!) told me to pull the miserable thing up over my nose. Not wanting to be thrown off the flight, I complied. But as soon as the plane reached altitude and leveled off, I put my plan into action. Out came the sandwich and a book (the kind with actual pages) and off came the mask. I took a small bite of the sandwich, put it on the tray table, and began reading. Every ten minutes or so, or whenever I saw a stewardess approaching, I picked it up and took another bite. That sandwich lasted an hour! Then I took out a carrot, and held it in my right hand, adjacent to the aisle, while holding the book. Once again, every ten minutes or so, or whenever I saw a stewardess approaching, I nibbled a few millimeters off the end of the carrot. That carrot lasted the rest of the flight! As we began to descend, I finished the carrot and put the mask back on. At that time the man across the aisle tapped me on the shoulder and said “I saw what you did with the carrot. That was brilliant! I’m going to steal your idea.” I asked him was this his final destination. He said no, he had a connecting flight. So I gave him a carrot. 

Nurture defiance, one veggie at a time!


3:11 pm on August 7, 2020