The Government’s Ten Commandments

I am the Lord thy God, says the government, Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Not family, not work, not friends, and certainly not religion. I know what’s best for you. I know how to keep you and your family safe and healthy. Obey my decrees or else. Here are my ten commandments.

  1. Thou shalt not eat inside a restaurant.
  2. Thou shalt not take your kids to a playground.
  3. Thou shalt not have a yard sale.
  4. Thou shalt not attend a sporting event.
  5. Thou shalt not go to the beach.
  6. Thou shalt not get a haircut.
  7. Thou shalt not attend church. Doctor Yourself: Natur... Saul, Andrew W PH.D. Best Price: $24.27 Buy New $28.28 (as of 03:19 UTC - Details)
  8. Thou shalt not gather in a group of more than ten persons.
  9. Thou shalt not get within six feet of another person.
  10. Thou shalt not patronize an “unessential business.”

Oh, and be sure to report your neighbors if they violate any of these commandments.

I, omnipotent government, your Lord and Savior, don’t have any real scientific evidence that obeying these ten commandments will flatten the curve or slow the spread of the worse-than-bubonic-plague coronavirus, but you just need to trust me and obey my servants the government leaders and bureaucrats.