A Christian Killer Par Excellence

As I wrote in “Christian Killers” way back in 2004, the phrase ought to be just as perplexing as Christian adulterers, Christian drug addicts, Christian prostitutes, Christian pimps, Christian gangsta rappers, or Christian acid rockers. A Christian fighting the bogus war on terror in Iraq and Afghanistan while in the “service” of the U.S. military is a Christian killer. He is not a hero. He is not defending our freedoms. He is not protecting the United States. He is not fighting “over there” so we won’t have to fight “over here.” He is not avenging the 9/11 attacks. He is not keeping American safe from terrorists. He is not ensuring that we continue to speak English. He is not guaranteeing our First Amendment rights. He is not fighting for truth, justice, and the American way. And he is certainly not defending the United States, guarding U.S. shores, securing U.S. borders, patrolling U.S. coasts, and enforcing no-fly zones over U.S. skies. We can dismiss a buffoon and opportunist like Rudy Giuliani for equating Osama bin Laden with Hitler and saying that he “wanted to be the one” to kill him since he is better known as a drag queen than a Christian. But what are we to make of Doug Giles, a conservative Christian columnist for TownHall.com and the “senior pastor” of Clash Church, meeting inside the Residence Inn in Aventura, Florida? Giles is a Christian killer par excellence. He is not a Christian warmonger on steroids and he is not the greatest Christian warmonger of all time, but he is a Christian killer par excellence.

Giles is the author of the article “Why Christians Should Rejoice That UBL Is Dead and in Hell.” I am reproducing his entire article, not only because it is short, but because it has to be read in its entirety to be believed: Let me go on the record stating that as a Christian I am completely cool with our Navy SEAL Team Six killing Usama. Or is it Osama? Does anyone know? I heard he liked it both ways. Anyway, the only thing that makes me sad about bin Laden’s death, as an orthodox Christian, is that a). It didn’t happen on Christmas or Easter, and b). The rude SEAL Team Six didn’t include me along to pull the trigger. Apparently, the SEALs require those who go on their missions to be physically and psychologically fit to the nth degree and stuff – y’know, like being able to swim like Esther Williams during a hurricane with a wildebeest strapped to one’s back. When they told me that, I was like, “Whatever.” And the SEALs were like, “Pfff.” And thus they chose someone else to whack that wacky bastard. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for seconds and wait to play the forthcoming Xbox video game based on the Abbottabad raid entitled, SEAL Team Six: Who’s Yo’ Mama, Usama? But I digress. So, why do I bring up my Christianity in conjunction with my satisfaction with Usama getting capped? Well, it’s principally because of the rank anti-biblical bollocks coming from pastors and priests who believe that Christians should not be happy that bin Laden has now been eaten by groupers at the bottom of the Indian Ocean (or wherever the heck they tossed his damnable corpse). For instance, Bill O’Reilly had a Catholic priest, Father Beck, on his show this past week who not only said we should dial down on our biblical joy that this evil SOB was shot but that we should’ve “loved him,” “forgiven him,” and “not judged him” because “we don’t know what was in Usama’s wittle heart that caused him to kill tens of thousands of people worldwide.”

To hear this cat talk, it sounds like all UBL simply needed was some Xanax, a new coloring book and a little face time with Dr. Drew because his daddy didn’t love him enough or something. Well, Father Crock – I mean Beck – call me a heretic because I believe those commands to “love, forgive and not judge” don’t extend to a sick, twisted, violent, God-hating, woman abusing, implacable, wicked dog like bin Laden but rather to personal verbal detractors of one’s faith (y’know, people who don’t pose a grave global security threat. Duh). It’s like I wrote in my best selling book, Raising Righteous & Rowdy Girls, about how I raised my girls: If you’re made fun of, ridiculed, or maligned for your beliefs, don’t sweat it; love and pray for your enemies and learn what I’ve learned over many years: Other people’s animosity can actually sell a lot of books. However, should someone want to physically harm you in some form or fashion (say, a rapist or a terrorist) then it’s okay for you to defend yourself and hurt him or, if need be, kill him. Call me the devil. In my world the good person should live and the evil person should die. Hey, Christian Love Machine: Usama wasn’t some angry blogger who merely said mean crap about Christians and western culture; he was a malevolent, murderous Saladin wannabe who was part and parcel of the massive, heartless slaughter of men, women and children both here and abroad. Remember? If not, here’s UBL’s résumé of death. Christians should rejoice because bin Laden was decidedly evil; his body is currently the main course for coconut crabs at 300 feet; and his soul is browning on Dante’s BBQ. Providence, via our ministers of death, the bad ass SEAL Team Six, plucked a foul weed from this planet and officially ended his reign of terror. I guarantee that when the SEALs’ 5.56mm round exited Usama’s brain at 3,000 feet per second the Father, Son and Holy Spirit stood up and said to each other, “High five!” and then after that congratulatory moment simultaneously said like preternatural triplets, “Who’s next?” And you know what? We should feel the same way. Giles is a Christian killer par excellence because he doesn’t even think it necessary to put on a military uniform before he blows someone away, in the name of the Lord, of course. Now, I make no apologies for Osama bin Laden. I deplore any acts of terrorism he may have planned, instigated, attempted, inspired, or carried out. I repudiate his religion, his invective, and any evil he may have thought, spoken, or performed. I even abhor his unkempt beard. (The preceding paragraph is for those who planned on e-mailing me about how I am a defender of bin Laden, pro-Muslim, insensitive to the families who lost loved ones on 9/11, and/or an America-hating liberal scumbag.) Although I believe that bin Laden was evil, I am not stupid enough to think, like Rudy Giuliani, that bin Laden should be equated with Hitler or Stalin. I also believe that Bush, Obama, the vast majority of the members of Congress, and the leadership of both major political parties are evil, but I would never make the mistake of likening any of them to Hitler or Stalin.

Giles charges bin Laden with killing tens of thousands of people worldwide. I think he is confusing him with George W. Bush. It is sad to see that nothing has brought out patriotism in Americans like the murder of someone they don’t like. Yet, most Americans that cheered the Seal Team Death Squad for assassinating Osama bin Laden in the same breath mentioned the terrorist attacks of 9/11. But when has the U.S. government ever actually laid out the evidence that bin Laden was connected with 9/11? On the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list, there is no connection given between bin Laden and 9/11: Usama Bin Laden is wanted in connection with the August 7, 1998, bombings of the United States Embassies in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, and Nairobi, Kenya. These attacks killed over 200 people. In addition, Bin Laden is a suspect in other terrorist attacks throughout the world. Bin Laden also appears on the FBI’s Most Wanted Terrorists list. Again, there is no mention of his connection with the attacks of 9/11. When asked about this curious omission, FBI spokesman Rex Tomb said: “The reason why 9/11 is not mentioned on Osama bin Laden’s Most Wanted page is because the FBI has no hard evidence connecting bin Laden to 9/11.” President Bush rejected an offer in 2001 by the Taliban to turn over bin Laden to a neutral country for trial if the United States presented evidence that he was responsible for the 9/11 attacks. Bush refused and said: “There’s no need to discuss innocence or guilt. We know he’s guilty.” In an interview with bin Laden first published on September 28, 2001, he denied any involvement in the 9/11 attacks:

I have already said that I am not involved in the 11 September attacks in the United States. As a Muslim, I try my best to avoid telling a lie. I had no knowledge of these attacks, nor do I consider the killing of innocent women, children, and other humans as an appreciable act. Islam strictly forbids causing harm to innocent women, children, and other people. Whoever committed the act of 11 September are not the friends of the American people. I have already said that we are against the American system, not against its people, whereas in these attacks, the common American people have been killed. Was bin Laden lying? Perhaps. But he is certainly more believable than the lying George WMD Bush. But even if bin Laden planned every detail of the 9/11 attacks himself, the perpetrators of those attacks died with their victims. Is there any evidence that bin Laden directly killed anyone? He may have killed Soviet soldiers when they invaded Afghanistan while supplied with weapons by the CIA, but he was applauded as a freedom fighter back then. Rick Giles also maintains that bin Laden posed a grave global security threat. This was a threat of our making. For years U.S. foreign policy has been aggressive, reckless, belligerent, interventionist, and meddling. U.S. foreign policy sows discord among nations, stirs up strife where none existed, intensifies the hatred that many foreigners around the world have for Americans and each other, and creates terrorists faster than we can kill them. And perhaps someone should tell Christian killer par excellence “Pastor” Giles that rejoicing in the damnation of another soul is not a Christian attitude, though I suspect that his grasp of Christianity isn’t any better than his knowledge of U.S. foreign policy.