My Third Lifetime Sexual Assault – By TSA

     

I’m a survivor of two violent sexual assaults. The last one, 36 years ago, involved severe degradation and elements of sexual torture. It’s been a very long, hard road to confident faith in the God who allows such things to happen, but by his grace I’m living in gospel freedom now.

I became a survivor of a sexual assault by the TSA last month. It happened because I’d been up all night, flying home alone after a speaking engagement in China. I had to go through security after transferring from the international to the domestic terminal at San Francisco International Airport for my flight to San Diego. I didn’t understand what was going to happen to me until it was too late.

Everyone was herded, without explanation, into the "nude scanner" one by one. I didn’t ask to opt out – wasn’t told that I could. And anyway, I would never have opted for the "pat-down." But I got one anyway, because I was wearing a money belt under my clothing.

The woman who touched me knew what she was looking for before she started, because she asked me if I was wearing a belt. Stupidly, I answered no, because in my exhaustion and confusion I’d forgotten about the money belt. She told me to stand up on a platform and spread my arms and legs. I still didn’t know what was going to happen. I’d been frisked on platforms like this in other countries, but never touched sexually. She didn’t explain what she was going to do, and she didn’t offer me a private place for the pat-down. She touched me in my sexual parts very thoroughly, leaving nothing to the imagination, and put her hands down my pants, front and back, bringing out the money belt.

But here’s the thing. I’d already been nude scanned, and she knew what she was looking for. So why did she have to touch me in very private areas that were not of concern? More to the point, if she can do this, what was to stop her from ordering a body cavity search? I realized that at that moment I was totally in her power, and she could have done whatever she wanted to me. For this reason, I’m calling what happened to me a sexual assault.

The effect on me was devastating. I stood frozen in fear, shaking uncontrollably, overwhelmed by the shame of being touched sexually in front of everyone. But it never occurred to me to object. That’s how terrified I was. When she released me I bolted like a rabbit from the security area, and tried to forget that the whole thing had ever happened.

But I couldn’t. I found myself crying uncontrollably during crime shows I’d previously enjoyed. I began experiencing intrusive memories of that sexual assault, as well as the prior two. I had nightmares. Only then did the public outcry about these new "security techniques" begin, and I realized that what happened to me was not a random occurrence, and could happen again. I became consumed with terror that it might.

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November 20, 2010