Since I have never written an article for LRC before, I figured I should start things off open and honest. Like an alcoholic at an A.A. meeting, I am going to stand before the group, admit my problem, and explain the attempts I am making at recovery. Again, like at an A.A. meeting, hopefully others will be able to benefit from my struggles. Without further delay…

I am a recovering neo-conservative. I've been clear thinking and freedom loving for 6 months now. Four years ago, when I was 16, my intellectual journey began to determine where I stood on the political spectrum. During the course of the past 4 years, I have sunk further and further into the depths of neo-conservatism and statism, only to be rescued while I still had a touch of independent thinking inside of me.

At 16, I became interested in politics due to a high school political science class I was in that stirred my interest. At home I began to discuss politics with my Dad who was a die-hard Republican. My views were shaped mainly by him. My Dad's views had an inherent contradiction in them that led me down the wrong path. As I said, he was a die-hard Republican and supporter of neo-conservatives, but yet he also was an ardent states' rights advocate, limited government advocate, etc. My Dad wasn't that studied in politics so it seems he didn't understand that there is a contradiction between limited government/states' rights and the principles of neo-conservatism. I, therefore, didn't know that there was a contradiction either. To the contrary, I thought that they were logically consistent.

I became a die-hard Republican like my Dad, even more so. In the months leading up to the 2000 election, even though I couldn't vote – which devastated me – I was a Republican pawn spending all my time and efforts trying to convince others to vote "for my man dubya." I stayed up all night Election night, even though I had to work early the next morning, to see "my man dubya" win the election. Of course the next morning at work, while the election was still up in the air, I was nothing more than a mouthpiece for the Republican party. Looking back at these times, it is all very sad.

From here on out, I morphed from Republican to Statist. After September 11, I had hope that "my man dubya" would be able to beat back the terrorists, show the world we mean business, and bring America to an even higher level of greatness. I supported laws against flag burning, military tribunals, the possibility of the draft, increased police powers, etc. I began to look forward to the U.S.'s takeover of Iraq, Syria, Iran, and the rest of the Middle East so that we could run the area with America's interest in mind.

I had flags on my car, in my room, on my clothing, and I even contemplated getting a tattoo of the American flag to show my loyalty. Loyalty to the State meant so much to me. I would tear up whenever I heard the Star-Spangled-Banner or would recite the Pledge. I honestly felt that those who disagree with America's policies were nothing but anti-Americans and should get out. "Love it or leave it!"

I sat in front of the television watching with excitement Bush's speeches concerning the war in Iraq, especially the 2003 State of the Union and his address at the U.N. I supported going into Iraq for the entire 2 years it was seriously debated, and watched on with a sense of pride the morning we first attacked. While I'm being honest and laying it all out, the day before the strike I felt the giddy anticipation that a child feels the evening before Christmas day. For two years I badly wanted to see bombs falling on Iraq, I was about to get my chance. "Those terrorists are gonna get it!"

I was addicted to the State. Like the alcoholic who wakes up one morning with a heavy heart knowing that the path he is down is not right and something has to be done about it, I began to doubt whether the path I was down was right. Deep down inside I still had that love of limited government and states' rights, and this began to do battle with my love of the State. I didn't want to give up the State though. It was my security blanket.

What I couldn't do solely on my own, LRC came in and assisted me. I stumbled upon LRC while surfing the Internet, and there I found the answers to all of the issues I had been dealing with. My devotion to the State started to dwindle, and my devotion to liberty and freedom has kept growing.

I have been "dry" now for several months. Of course I am tempted from time to time, but hopefully with this support group I have around me I will be able to become a warrior for liberty rather than a tool for the State. Thank you LRC for providing me with light in the darkness before I became too lost to find my way back home. My real journey has now just begun.

September 3, 2003