False Pearls, Real Swine

News Item: Richard Perle’s Resignation

Richard Perle has stepped down as chairman of the Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board. Saddam Hussein must be very greatly pleased that political machinations in Washington have tangled and distracted one of the dictator’s deadliest enemies. The good news is that the accusations against Perle are so nebulous that a single puff of reality will dissipate them; the even better news is that Perle will remain as a member of the advisory panel, where he will continue to serve the nation to whose defense he has contributed so faithfully and unselfishly for so many years. [David Frum’s Diary]

To the tune of, "Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble"

Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard, He’s so perfect in e-ver-y way He carefully selects his clients, For his false pearls of wisdom they pay He patiently bills them in millions, He cashes them in with a sigh Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard But Rumsfeld should tell him goodbye!

Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard It would bring all the Frummers to tears He could go to his chateau in Provence, While stateside we’d break out in cheers He could drag his own string of Perles with him Have lunch with those Sauds in Marseilles Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard If only he’d please go away

Oh Lord it’s hard to be Richard Though it’s harder to really tell why Trough-dwellers will always sell access Funny, not one bats an eye He’s so full of such fresh new ideas I’m sure they’re not from the Mossad And he carries them all to the White House Where Bush thinks they’re a message from God.

Oh Lord, it’s so hard to be Richard So devoted to dough and cuisine, The New York Times asked some tough questions, So he pouted and said they were mean! He won’t use his position to lobby Dick Nixon said "That would be wrong!" Oh Lord, we’ll really miss Richard When he finally tells us "so long!"

Al Gore called him “A Heck of a Guitar Player”; the New Republic called him “An Outside Agitator”; Roll Call said he was “the Woody Guthrie of the Right”; and Senator David Pryor (D-Arkansas) called him “A Modern-Day Snake Oil Salesman.”

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