• False Pearls, Real Swine

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    News Item: Richard Perle’s Resignation

    Richard Perle has stepped down as chairman of the Pentagon’s Defense Policy Board. Saddam Hussein must be very greatly pleased that political machinations in Washington have tangled and distracted one of the dictator’s deadliest enemies. The good news is that the accusations against Perle are so nebulous that a single puff of reality will dissipate them; the even better news is that Perle will remain as a member of the advisory panel, where he will continue to serve the nation to whose defense he has contributed so faithfully and unselfishly for so many years. [David Frum’s Diary]

    To the tune of, "Oh Lord, It’s Hard to Be Humble"

    Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard,
    He’s so perfect in e-ver-y way
    He carefully selects his clients,
    For his false pearls of wisdom they pay
    He patiently bills them in millions,
    He cashes them in with a sigh
    Oh Lord, it’s hard to be Richard
    But Rumsfeld should tell him goodbye!

    Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard
    It would bring all the Frummers to tears
    He could go to his chateau in Provence,
    While stateside we’d break out in cheers
    He could drag his own string of Perles with him
    Have lunch with those Sauds in Marseilles
    Oh Lord, we’d really miss Richard
    If only he’d please go away

    Oh Lord it’s hard to be Richard
    Though it’s harder to really tell why
    Trough-dwellers will always sell access
    Funny, not one bats an eye
    He’s so full of such fresh new ideas
    I’m sure they’re not from the Mossad
    And he carries them all to the White House
    Where Bush thinks they’re a message from God.

    Oh Lord, it’s so hard to be Richard
    So devoted to dough and cuisine,
    The New York Times asked some tough questions,
    So he pouted and said they were mean!
    He won’t use his position to lobby
    Dick Nixon said "That would be wrong!"
    Oh Lord, we’ll really miss Richard
    When he finally tells us "so long!"

    Christopher Manion [send him mail] writes from the Shenandoah Valley in Virginia. A founding member of the Capitol Steps political satire group, he has written and performed songs at testimonials for Dan Quayle, Al Haig, Jesse Helms, Warren Rudman, Lawton Chiles, Vernon Walters, William F. Buckley, Jr., and Paul Weyrich. Teddy Kennedy, Hillary Clinton, Joycelyn Elders, and Manuel Noreiga have unfortunately been unable to hear their songs performed in person.

    Al Gore called him “A Heck of a Guitar Player”; the New Republic called him “An Outside Agitator”; Roll Call said he was “the Woody Guthrie of the Right”; and Senator David Pryor (D-Arkansas) called him “A Modern-Day Snake Oil Salesman.”

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