• Gorbachev Gathers Out-of-Work Pols for a New World Order

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    by
    Gene Callahan
    and Stu Morgenstern

    Boy
    Scouts Create New Merit Badges in Response to Increasing Pressure
    from Gays

    This
    week, after months of flak for their failure to allow gay scoutmasters,
    The Boy Scouts of America announced a new line of merit badges.
    For those interested in earning these badges, the Scouts have established
    a "Gay-Men-Who’d-Like-to-Sleep-in-a-Tent-with-Your-Young-Lad
    Scouts," which will operate as a "phalanx" of the
    regular Scouts.

    This phalanx will supervise the awarding of merit badges in such
    diverse subjects as interior decorating, fashion design, accessorizing,
    and Liza Minnelli studies. The new uniforms will be designed by
    Tom Ford and will feature an off the shoulder look inspired by the
    film Gladiator. Gone will be the traditional olive drab scout
    uniforms. Instead, there will be a sparkling phantasmagoria of colors
    and fabrics reminiscent of Elton John’s stage attire.

    Good citizenship will continue to be taught by the new scouting
    phalanx, although with an increased emphasis on tidiness and grooming.
    A major thrust toward extended, remote camping trips is expected,
    accompanied by individual, expert instruction in a bewildering variety
    of knots.

    Callahan
    Sacrifices to Help Fight Inflation

    Responding
    to worries that too much growth in the US economy might ignite
    inflation, Gene Callahan announced this week that he will help
    fight that economic scourge by cutting back his work schedule
    from five days a week to three. Said Callahan:

    "Alan Greenspan is like a brother to me – a fact to
    which Kevin Duffy can testify – and I want to do everything
    I can to lend AG a hand."

    Callahan mentioned that he was also inspired by his partner, Stu
    Morgenstern (that’s writing partner, okay Mr. Jackson!), who is
    a long-time inflation fighter and has been steadfastly battling
    growth in the economy for the last several decades.

    Callahan also indicated that he intended to start his three young
    children on cigarettes soon, in order to restrain their growth
    as well.

    April
    5,
    2001

    Gene
    Callahan is working on a book, Economics for Real People,
    and Stu Morgenstern is contributing editor at The
    Frumious Bandersnatch
    .

    2001, Gene
    Callahan
    and
    Stu Morgenstern

    Gene
    Callahan/Stu Morgenstern Archives

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