Gorbachev Gathers Out-of-Work Pols for a New World Order

by Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern Boy Scouts Create New Merit Badges in Response to Increasing Pressure from Gays This week, after months of flak for their failure to allow gay scoutmasters, The Boy Scouts of America announced a new line of merit badges. For those interested in earning these badges, the Scouts have established a "Gay-Men-Who’d-Like-to-Sleep-in-a-Tent-with-Your-Young-Lad Scouts," which will operate as a "phalanx" of the regular Scouts. This phalanx will supervise the awarding of merit badges in such diverse subjects as interior decorating, fashion design, accessorizing, and Liza Minnelli studies. The new uniforms will be designed by Tom Ford and will feature an off the shoulder look inspired by the film Gladiator. Gone will be the traditional olive drab scout uniforms. Instead, there will be a sparkling phantasmagoria of colors and fabrics reminiscent of Elton John’s stage attire. Good citizenship will continue to be taught by the new scouting phalanx, although with an increased emphasis on tidiness and grooming. A major thrust toward extended, remote camping trips is expected, accompanied by individual, expert instruction in a bewildering variety of knots. Callahan Sacrifices to Help Fight Inflation

Responding to worries that too much growth in the US economy might ignite inflation, Gene Callahan announced this week that he will help fight that economic scourge by cutting back his work schedule from five days a week to three. Said Callahan: "Alan Greenspan is like a brother to me – a fact to which Kevin Duffy can testify – and I want to do everything I can to lend AG a hand." Callahan mentioned that he was also inspired by his partner, Stu Morgenstern (that’s writing partner, okay Mr. Jackson!), who is a long-time inflation fighter and has been steadfastly battling growth in the economy for the last several decades. Callahan also indicated that he intended to start his three young children on cigarettes soon, in order to restrain their growth as well.

April 5, 2001

Gene Callahan is working on a book, Economics for Real People, and Stu Morgenstern is contributing editor at The Frumious Bandersnatch.

2001, Gene Callahan and Stu Morgenstern

Gene Callahan/Stu Morgenstern Archives