Want Us Out?
By All Means Letís Oblige Them!
Did you know that there are some folks in the North that are tired
of us Southerners and think we should be tossed out on our fannies?
Ray: Youíre kidding me!
Jay: No, itís right here, in this column "Letís Ditch
Dixie" by Mark Strauss.
Ray: Never heard of him.
Jay: Heís a senior editor at Foreign Affairs. Thatís
Council on Foreign Relations.
Ray: At least we know what to expect.
Jay: Well, what he does is make fun of the League of the
South and their Declaration of Southern Cultural Independence
signed last year in Montgomery. He also ridicules the Southern associations
of folks like John Ashcroft and Gale Norton, calling the latter
the GOPís "honorary Dixie chick," but then he makes an
allegation thatís nothing short of astounding coming from
Ray: Which is?
Jay: That the North and the South "can no longer claim
to be one nation."
Ray: A Northerner said that?
Jay: Yes, and a lot more besides. He mentions last yearís
electoral map, but itís almost like he saw the infamous county-by-county
map and actually figured out what it means. The one showing all
the "red counties" that voted for George W. Bush and all
the "blue counties" that went for Al Gore.
Ray: They showed that counties full of our people, tending
to be rural, Southern, or western except for the heavy Hispanic
regions way out west tended to go for Bush. All the
urban areas tended to go for Gore.
Jay: True, but they also show how Bush won the South hands
down, and that without the South he wouldnít have won. He doesnít
think much of our culture, thatís for sure. He uses references to
NASCAR and WCW fans to ridicule it. But the guyís at least noticed
thereís something different about the South that makes it
not like the North meaning by that the Northeast, mainly.
Ray: And his conclusion is that instead of us having to fight
our way free, like we tried to do just over 140 years ago, that
we be kicked out instead?
Jay: Hereís what he says: "Ö North and South should
simply follow the example of the Czech Republic and Slovakia: shake
hands, says [sic.] its been real, and go their separate ways.
And if the South isnít inclined to leave anytime soon, then we should
show them the door by seceding unilaterally."
Ray: Northern secession?!
Jay: Yup. He says weíre dominating them, because of Southerners
in the White House, Southerners picking up population, votes in
the Electoral CollegeÖ Gore won California, New York and Pennsylvania,
and he still couldnít win the election. He couldnít even
win his home state.
Ray: Because of the Dixie mindset?
Jay: Yup. This guy even says that the Democrats are becoming
"Dixiefied." Yankee liberal progressives no longer have
their own party. That explains Ralph Nader. But hereís the really
good part. Listen to this: [Reads]: "The South is a gangrenous
limb that should have been lopped off decades ago. More people live
below the poverty line in the old Confederacy than in the Northeast
and Midwest combined "
Ray: Couldnít their policies have something to do with that?
Going all the way back to the War of Yankee Aggression that burned
down our cities and towns and raped our land? We never really recovered.
Jay: Could be. Anyway: "You are three times more likely
to be murdered in parts of Dixie than anywhere in New England
Ray: Aw, címon, thatís horsehockey! Guess this guyís never
spent much time in New York City or downtown Washington, D.C.
Jay: Doesnít say. Goes on with more benefits to having an
independent Northern state, though, such as hmmm higher
average test scores, more opportunities for women, less opposition
to gay rights.
Ray: More logical thought?
Ray: He doesnít go that far.
Ray: I hope not.
Jay: But he does say that without Dixie the Northerns will
be able to pass tougher gun laws, legislation barring discrimination
against homosexuals, and that wonít have to deal with those annoying
commercials offering Dale Earnhardt memorabilia for sale.
Ray: Ah. Why donít we trade. Weíll keep our Dale Earnhardt
memorabilia if theyíll keep their laws. If they want to disarm their
own people and their own people donít care, let Ďem. I rather like
the idea, if the North is independent from us. Why donít we give
a good Rebel yell tell this guy, hell yeah, letís go for it. Weíll
leave you alone if youíll leave us alone! I may not like their stupid
laws, but I like this guyís solution to his "Dixie problem."
Jay: WellÖ. Thereís a catch.
Ray: Oh? If it sounds too good to be true it usually is.
What else does this joker say?
Jay: He thinks that an independent North will be able to
"cure" us Dixie-ites of our bad habits. Listen to this:
[reading again]: "With the South banished from the Union, we
could begin to correct the most objectionable aspects of Southern
behavior with the same tools we use to engage countries such as
China: by making trade and continued foreign aid contingent upon
sincere efforts to clean up the environment and improve human rights.
We could implement "Plan South Carolina" to convince tobacco
growers to develop alternative crops. Northern observers could ensure
democracy in Florida polling places. Peace Corps volunteers could
teach the necessary skills "
Ray: Whoa, wait just a cotton pickiní minute! Thatís not
separation, thatís just more Yankee imperialism! Why should we want
to trade with them, anyway?
Jay: I guess this guy thinks weíll end up like China.
Ray: Wonderful that heís bothered to research the South and
find out a little about us, isnít it? Has he forgotten that a Southerner
penned the Declaration of Independence? That our ancestors contributed
massively to writing the U.S. Constitution and then led to
the adding of the Bill of Rights when it wasnít clear that the Constitution
didnít centralize the new government too much?
Jay: Oh, this Strauss fellow is in love with centralization.
Heís Council on Foreign Relations, after all. Remember?
Ray: He hasnít figured out yet that centralizing the government,
the economy, you name it, doesnít work? That it hasnít worked anywhere
itís been tried? This guy talks out our test scores.
Jay: Limited to "public school" kids.
Ray: Figures. They donít teach about our ancestors there
anymore, or so I hear. Theyíre more likely to teach tolerance and
tree-hugging. Iíve heard theyíre trying to introduce ethnic math,
or something like that.
Jay: Thatís the Yankee influence. Or maybe Left Coast. Hard
to tell, when you get right down to it.
Ray: Then thatís why the test scores are falling. And I hear
theirs arenít exactly setting the world on fire, either.
Jay: No. Theyíre falling everywhere. Or so I hear. Not that
thatís what counts. Itís not enough just to be educated. It helps
to know what is right, and do it. Lenin and Stalin were both smart
cookies, after all.
Ray: Theyíll never get there by making homosexuals an affirmative
Jay: You know that, and I know it. Anyway and this
is really sad! this guy Straussís piece ends by comparing
us to the Russians.
Ray: He does what???
Jay: Just listen: "[T]he only obvious downside is that
the South would almost certainly insist on keeping the 3,150 nuclear
warheads that are scattered throughout Georgia, Texas, Louisiana
and Virginia. Maybe we could strike a deal to get those nukes back,
the same way Russia did with Ukraine after the Soviet Union broke
up. If not, then perhaps national missile defense might not be such
a bad idea after all."
Ray: That is sad! Not to mention paranoid. Sounds
like heís afraid of us.
Jay: I rather agree. Heís right about the different cultures,
though, and about how leftists keep running up against Dixie as
the main factor keeping them from getting their way. So if it ever
comes to pass that the powers that be up in Northern la-la land
want us out, we ought to oblige them so long as we close
our borders afterwards! They wonít get our missiles, and they wonít
be able to migrate down here in droves to escape their crime rate
and their awful weather.
Ray: Theyíll regret letting us go so easily.
Jay: But itíll be too late! [Smiles gleefully.]
Ray: So howíd they get that way. Guys like this Strauss,
Jay: Wasnít from reading that other Strauss, thatís for sure.
The one named Leo. Seriously, it goes back to what we were saying
about centralization. We have these two basic philosophies, the
one coming out of the Northeast thatís basically secular and materialist.
The way itís evolved, it favors expansionist government, high taxes
to support it, welfare, dependency, gun control, multiculturalism,
affirmative action, feminism, open homosexuality, bad food and bad
music. The other comes from down here. Weíre still basically Christian
and want to depend only on God and our families, but otherwise on
our own two feet in a free economy. We believe that independence
is a good thing and that manliness is a good thing thatís
why so many of us are NASCAR fans, by the way. We like real men,
not the silly flower children of Ivy League campuses and Left Coast
beaches. And women who really are women, not Janet Renos and Donna
Shalalas or Hillary Clintons. Weíre just daring the clowns
running Washington to try and take away our guns. We think affirmative
action is nothing more than quotas and preferences that discriminate
against white men. We donít think men and women are interchangeable.
Weíre still Ďbackwardí and think homosexuality is a sin.
loyal to something besides money and power. Our sense of place is
reflected in our music. We prefer songs like "Sweet Home Alabama"
to noise-set-to-a-beat about killing cops. Ever hear anybody call
New York City or Washington, D.C., "sweet" anything? But
anyway, it all comes down to this: accept the world view thatís
taken over the North and you get one solution whether you realize
it or not: in the last analysis, power gets the last word. Thatís
why they end up trying to centralize everything in sight. Thatís
why even after theyíve kicked us Dixie-ites out, theyíll conduct
an economic war of imperialism designed to control us, to rid themselves
of our "corrupting" influences. Behind all the power-obsession,
though, is something they dare not face not honestly, anyway.
A sort of emptiness. The emptiness of the soul that comes from accepting
that this life is all you have, that morality is just a man-made
creation, and that you might as well grab for whatever goodies you
can get because once itís over, itís over.
Ray: Hmmm! Sad. But if they ever want us out and they mean
Jay: Then I guess weíll have to oblige them.
Ray: This is just one writer, though, for a Northern Internet
site hardly anyone reads because itís so liberal. The folks running
the Washington Empire wouldnít let us go so easily.
Jay: ĎFraid not.
Ray: Theyíd miss those vacation spots too much once we closed
Jay: And donít forget that terrific mustard-based barbecue
sauce weíve got down here in South Carolina!
Ray: That too!
Jay: Well, Iíve had some Boston clam chowder. It was
Ray: [Looks contrite.] Oh, Iím sorry. Theyíve accomplished
one thing up thereÖ.
Yates has a Ph.D. in Philosophy and is the author of
Wrongs: What Went Wrong With Affirmative Action (ICS Press,
1994). He is presently compiling selected essays into a single volume
tentatively entitled View From the Gallery and a work on a second
book, The Paradox of Liberty. He also writes for the Edgefield
Journal, and is available for lectures. He lives in Columbia,
© 2001 LewRockwell.com