A Few Modest Proposals for Change

by Clyde Wilson
by Clyde Wilson

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As the recent election indicates, Change is very much in the air these days. Here are a few modest proposals to fulfill this new spirit:

Having proved that a person of color can be elected to the highest office, President Obama announces that in the interest of racial reconciliation he will seek repeal of discriminatory and divisive affirmative action policies.

Now that the taxpayers are responsible for the welfare of the banks, Congress decides it is only fair to distribute stock in the banks to the taxpayers so they may share in the ownership and profits.

Shortly after leaving office, President Bush apologizes to the American people for the evils caused by his ignorance and arrogance. He promises to devote his fortune to caring for disabled veterans of the Iraq war and improving job opportunities for native-born Americans.

California declares itself a nation independent of the government of the U.S., announcing that its economic, demographic, and cultural characteristics and its immense population justifies becoming its own nation. The US government agrees, citing the fundamental American principle that governments rest on the consent of the governed. Mexico protests, indicating that California is more valuable to its rulers as a part of the US than as an independent country.

Israel extends full citizenship to its Palestinian inhabitants and arranges compensation for their seized property. A new Israeli administration announces that it will no longer accept American aid but will cooperate with other states in its region in defense and economic development. An Israeli peace and friendship delegation tours the United States expressing thanks for long-standing support for their country. Worldwide terrorism subsides dramatically.

The US and Russia announce friendship and cooperation on the principle that their cooperation is essential to the defense of Western civilization. They jointly guarantee the security of Iran and the orderly free market flow of oil from the Persian Gulf. The Muslim holy places are put under demilitarized international protection.

President Obama expresses regret that American selfishness has caused a brain drain from countries that badly need skilled people. Immigrants from such countries – doctors, scientists, and engineers – will be returned where they can help their own people.

In recognition that the American educational system disgracefully lags behind other developed countries, all federal laws, regulations and subsidies regarding education are repealed. Parents of children under 18 are given large tax deductions.

In belated realization that free trade in goods is a benefit to all, all trade treaties and regulations are abolished except those necessary for health, safety, and national defense. It is made clear, however, that persons are not goods to be traded internationally.

President Obama declares that America is exhausting itself in maintaining a pointless worldwide empire. He begins a phased withdrawal of all US forces outside the western hemisphere. Europe and Japan enthusiastically embrace the opportunity of providing for their own defense. The North Korean Communist leaders are driven out by the people and the North Korea/South Korea border goes the way of the Berlin Wall.

Congress resolves that wide participation is necessary for democracy. With only a few dissidents from New York and Massachusetts, the Senators and Representatives pledge to limit themselves to two terms.

By the way, don't hold you breath.

November 11, 2008

Clyde Wilson [send him mail] is a recovering professor of history. His most recent book is Defending Dixie.

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