Universal Hot Rod Lincoln

(as told by George W)

You've heard the story of the empire race,
Dollar and the Euro settin' the pace
Story's true, I'm here to rave
'Cause I was drivin' that Model Abe

Had a Claremont body, straight from the shop
Lincoln verbiage that was over the top
Had five little words, used them all
With "Neo-Con"®, it just won't stall

Straussian gears and a Perle exhaust
Wolfowitz carb, you could really get lost
Roadmap, too, – I ain't scared
The Rumsfeld's good, the Powell's fair

I pulled out of CENTCOM, late one night
The crescent moon was shinin' bright
I was climbin' up that Hindu Kush
Guy in the mirror looked like a Bush

("That you, JEB??" – honk, honk)

All of sudden in the a wink of an eye,
A Cadillac sedan passed me by
Ariel shouted, "Got a job for thee"
Then a telltale map was all you could see

Dick Cheney was goadin' me from behind
I said, "Hey, I'll get into Lincoln's mind"
Consulted Jaffa and the Claremont wheels
Then shoved it down into overzeal

I wound it up to a feverish pitch
Passed Henry K, that son of a bitch
Brent Scowcroft scowled as I started to soar
But they're history, those tired old bores

Froggy figured I'd lost my sense
But the things we do, why, they're self-defense
He said, "Slow down, don't be so rude"
By the time he spoke, Iraq was screwed

So I cut a few corners, sideswiped the law
Crossed my fingers just for Ma
We got there firstest – and with the most,
Only one complainin' was Bob Taft's ghost

Smoke was comin' from out of Iraq
When I started to gain on that guy, Chirac
I knew I could catch him, thought I could pass
He'll be comin' to us for oil and gas

Flame was shootin' from out of the towns
You could feel the angst of the Neo-Clowns
I said, "Pull over, boys, I got a license to fly,
Alan's inflated the money supply"

Well all of sudden, we heard from Putin
And we're down in the ditch, surprised by lootin'
I looked in the mirror, there was a red light blinkin'
Kofi was after me for playin' Lincoln

They arrested me and threw me in jail
And called my Poppy to go my bail
He said, "Son – You're gonna drive me to drinkin'
If you don't quit tryin' to be Hot Rod Lincoln."

April 19, 2003

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Joseph R. Stromberg [send him mail] is holder of the JoAnn B. Rothbard Chair in History at the Ludwig von Mises Institute and a columnist for LewRockwell.com and Antiwar.com.

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