essay originally appeared in the April 1991 issue of The
supplies us with lessons we must learn. There were the lessons
of Munich and the lessons of Vietnam. It is not too early for
us to learn the lessons of the Gulf War, lest we lose the peace.
is Wonderful. We have learned at last that war is glorious,
war is wonderful. As they said about the Spanish-American war,
this was a "splendid little war." Our war effort from now on can
be so high-tech that no American need die in one ever again. Three
times as many American soldiers died in accidents in the Gulf
before the war began than during the actual fighting. Deaths among
enemy soldiers and civilians are solely the fault of the Evil
on, the only opponents of an American war will be traitors, yellow-bellies,
Commies, neo-Nazis, and anti-Semites.
War is also
a great unifier. Petty domestic problems, such as taxes, deficits,
banking crises are forgotten in the great uplifting current that
brings back to America a sense of unity, of belonging, of common
national purpose. Those who grumble at that unity are traitors
Let Them Surrender. Too many times Americans have won a splendid
war only to lose the peace. One problem is the end game, the whole
problem of surrender, who we accept surrender from, on what terms,
etc. During the Gulf War we approached perfection by not letting
them surrender. First, we set the goal of "unconditional Iraqi
withdrawal from Kuwait." When Iraq accepted these terms, we complained
that they didn't accept reparations, they weren't clear about
coming out with their hands up, and besides, we wanted to hear
it from Saddam himself. When Saddam himself complied, we raised
all the above objections, and we kept bombing, or "pounding."
(Hey guys, how about coming up with a synonym for "pound"? If
I had a dime for every time the media used "pound," I'd be a very
when they obviously began to withdraw, we said: "That's
not 'withdrawal' (good); that's 'retreat' (bad)."
"unconditional surrender," as we did in World War II, was great,
but again we got bogged down in end-game problems. Clearly, the
best strategy for the end game is never to accept any surrender
at all. Let's just keep "pounding" the enemy till nobody moves.
Let's keep it simple and clear-cut. Or to use the common American
slogan of divine impatience: "Let's get it over with," or "let's
finish the job." If we pound until we kill them all, until nobody
moves, then we won't have to worry anymore about "losing the peace."
The peace will be ours forever, the job will be finished forever.
To put a
more rigorous twist on the old song:
be over, We're comin' over, And we won't be back Till there's
nothin' over there.
Over the Media. We did a great job, in the Gulf War, in censoring,
curbing, and confining the media. The media lost us the Korean
and Vietnam Wars. The media are a bunch of traitors, yellow-bellies,
etc. The media injure American morale. The media prattle about
"gathering the news," and "giving us the truth." What they don't
understand is that only the president deserves the truth. All
public truth helps the Enemy.
people, thank goodness, now hate the media, with their subversion
and their prying questions. The media are a bunch of individualists
who won't go along with the program. Now we must finish the job.
The federal government must take over the media. Issue licenses,
certificates of convenience and necessity, to all media people.
And if they don't knuckle under and show proper respect to the
president and his officers, just pull their licenses.
say this would violate the First Amendment? Rubbish. We do it
now with radio and TV; the FCC can pull their licenses at any
time. All we'd have to do is have the FCC show some spine. And
the much-reviled Alien and Sedition Acts were never declared unconstitutional.
The Supreme Court will follow the election returns.
should be for all the media to be, in effect, agit-prop arms of
the president and the federal government. They're mostly at that
point already. Let's finish the job.
Congress. Congress is a pain in the neck, a bunch of quibblers
and fusspots who accomplish nothing, who only obstruct and delay
(sometimes) the plans of the president. As neoconservative theorists
have instructed us, the president embodies in his person the entire
national and public interest. The president represents each and
every one of us. But Congressmen are only bogged down in petty,
narrow concerns of each district or state. So let's get rid of
Congress; let's finish it off.
let's have a constitutional amendment that abolishes elections,
which are at best an expensive drain on the taxpayers, and replaces
them with the best and wisest men and women appointed by the president
and replaceable at his will. Then he could get the best counsel
for the national interest, free of partisan, political considerations.
Get Rid of Political Parties. We keep praising the "two-party
system" without realizing that there is nothing in the Constitution
that mandates parties, two or whatever. The Founding Fathers hated
parties, which they called "factions." Parties are divisive, they
cripple American unity, and they cost the taxpayer money by requiring
elections. Besides, the Republican Party will never again lose
a presidential election, and since we will get rid of Congress
anyway, why not face reality? Let's combine both parties into
one glorious party, call it the Democrat-Republicans, as under
Jefferson, or maybe Republican-Democrats to reflect current realities.
Then we'd all be united, and any disagreements could be ironed
out within a one-party framework.
suspects that there's something dictatorial or un-American about
a one-party system, think nothing of it. There is ample precedent;
America had a one-party system (Democrat-Republican) from about
1815 to 1827. No one suffered; in fact, it is called by historians
the Era of Good Feelings. No problem.
Make George Bush President for Life. Everyone knows that elections
are too darn frequent, forcing our leaders to turn away from their
great leadership at the helm of state to worry about our petty
concerns. And besides, it's expensive for the taxpayer. So we
can simply make George Bush president for life, and then, when
he dies or retires, we can have a glorious Democratic-Republican
convention, to select his successor. What could be more truly
Up the President. If Lessons 1 to 6 were put in place, our
president would then at last be free, free of the crippling restraints
of Congress, of elections, and of the yellow-bellied, traitorous,
etc. media. With Congress and the media united in service to the
president, he would be free to unify the nation, he could write
laws in the form of his own executive decrees, he could set his
budget and levy his taxes (and cut the capital gains tax, by God).
He would also be free to run his New World Order abroad, to obliterate
the Enemy for, say, $100 billion, and then spend another $100
billion to rebuild the enemy lands. War and reconstruction contractors
will be happy and prosperous, and this will provide plenty of
jobs and keep America prosperous as well. The president will get
98-percent approval rating in the polls, which can serve as a
scientific substitute for messy and grubby elections.
critics (the 2 percent yellow-bellies, etc. above and there
are always a few rotten apples in every glorious barrel) might
claim that we would lose our freedom and that the president would
be a dictator.
would be the biggest lie of them all. For we must always remember
that the president represents us, that in the deepest sense the
president is us and that we are the president, and that therefore
when the president is set free and is unrestrained, we are all