Memo to Earth
Transcribed by John Liechty
Note: The following was discovered near the dumpster as I was hauling out the morning trash. Is it authentic? I make no claims, merely passing it on. To: All
Agents, "Operation Don’t Know How Good We Are" Dear Friends in D.C.: In light of the recent hiccups of scandal in the "liberation of the Iraqi people," (the phrase still sends me, nice work Wolfie) I thought I’d better drop a line. Hold your heads high gang, just one of those things. George: Brilliant move, blaming the trailer trash and the bad apples. Love it! "This isn’t the America I know...?" Had me in stitches, bravo! Bring on the pesky under-classes. They came in handy back when you had them burning huts and shooting up villages in southeast Asia – we can use them again. "Not the America I know." George, you crack me up. Maybe I should make you Governor of Texas again, let you get on with signing execution orders on a little more trailer trash, huh? Just joking. You’re right where I want you. Dick! Hang in, man! "Rummy’s the best defense secretary ever, let him do his job," you said the other day. We can count on the American people to trust your judgment, Dick. After all, you’re the oracle who foresaw a flower-shower from grateful Iraqis lining the cakewalk to Baghdad, a fun war of "weeks, not months." Keep stringing them along, Dick. Chin up. No shame. Those American people! Aren’t they something? Still backing their "war president"! Like taking candy from a baby. Now and then they get a little cantankerous. I didn’t at all care for the opinion piece in the New York Times (generally I’m very pleased with the opinion pieces in the New York Times) by Luc Sante (sounds like some craven Frenchman to me – Brent or somebody might want to look into trashing his reputation ASAP) comparing those photos from Abu Ghraib to the photos of lynchings. I’m afraid he got it exactly right (and like you, nothing disgusts me more than the plain truth). People standing there like trophy hunters next to a "gutted buck or a 10-foot marlin," is how he put it. Of course it’s about elitist nationalism, or as I prefer to call it, your preeminence. So? Is that a problem? Let me remind you team, you’re the cream of the species. The end of history. The city on the hill. The best, the brightest, the rightest, the richest, the rootinest-tootinest. And that authorizes you to kill anybody in the way. Or degrade them. Humiliate them. Torture them. So what. Like manifest destiny, preeminence steamrolls the losers. Tough. Admired the distinction you made, Rummy, between "abuse" and "torture." My faith in you, in all of you, is unshaken. Heads up, think positive. Forget the hiccups, let’s look at accomplishments. We’re still doing a tremendous job with civilian deaths. Kids, women, journalists, wedding parties, villagers sleeping. Who the hell cares? Don’t know how many cuz we don’t count ’em! And we continue to do well with non-civilian deaths, that is, with the people who officially deserve to die, like those 100,000 sorry sods stuck in the desert and "carbonized" during Gulf War I in a mere 100 hours of what you unironically referred to at the time as combat. How many tens of thousands more have since bought it in Afghanistan, how many in Gulf War II? We’ve taken significant strides in not knowing and not caring, and I’m mighty pleased about that. The paper today claims that up to 90% of the prisoners in Abu Ghraib were there "by mistake" and at least 30% of the prisoners in Guantanamo are there by mistake. What can I say? Those numbers do us proud. "They don’t know how good we are." Remember that one, George? Agent Osama uses the same line. Don’t know how we’d get by without your sense of humor. Guess we’ll just have to keep ‘em waiting a while longer! Well, gotta go. Got discord to sow, tongues to fork, hearts to freeze, souls to torment. But I know I can continue to count on you to lighten my load. Keep up the good work. You’re on the side of the [fallen] angels. Dubya? Loveya! And love that war on terror! In case the rubes continue to ask who’s behind it, let’s keep using "Jesus" as our cover, can’t seem to wear that one out. See
y’all in hell! May 24, 2004 John Liechty [send him mail] currently teaches in Muscat, Oman. Copyright © 2004 LewRockwell.com |