Memo to Earth
Transcribed by John Liechty
The following was discovered near the dumpster as I was hauling
out the morning trash. Is it authentic? I make no claims, merely
passing it on.
Agents, "Operation Donít Know How Good We Are"
Friends in D.C.:
light of the recent hiccups of scandal in the "liberation of
the Iraqi people," (the phrase still sends me, nice work Wolfie)
I thought Iíd better drop a line. Hold your heads high gang, just
one of those things. George: Brilliant
move, blaming the trailer trash and the bad apples. Love it! "This
isnít the America I know...?" Had me in stitches, bravo! Bring
on the pesky under-classes. They came in handy back when you had
them burning huts and shooting up villages in southeast Asia
we can use them again. "Not the America I know." George,
you crack me up. Maybe I should make you Governor of Texas again,
let you get on with signing execution orders on a little more trailer
trash, huh? Just joking. Youíre right where I want you.
Hang in, man! "Rummyís the best defense secretary ever, let
him do his job," you said the other day. We can count on the
American people to trust your judgment, Dick. After all, youíre
the oracle who foresaw a flower-shower from grateful Iraqis lining
the cakewalk to Baghdad, a fun war of "weeks, not months."
Keep stringing them along, Dick. Chin up. No shame.
American people! Arenít they something? Still backing their "war
president"! Like taking candy from a baby. Now and then they
get a little cantankerous. I didnít at all care for the opinion
piece in the New York Times (generally Iím very pleased with the
opinion pieces in the New York Times) by Luc Sante (sounds like
some craven Frenchman to me Brent or somebody might want to look
into trashing his reputation ASAP) comparing those photos from Abu
Ghraib to the photos of lynchings. Iím afraid he got it exactly
right (and like you, nothing disgusts me more than the plain truth).
People standing there like trophy hunters next to a "gutted
buck or a 10-foot marlin," is how he put it. Of course itís
about elitist nationalism, or as I prefer to call it, your preeminence.
So? Is that a problem? Let me remind you team, youíre the cream
of the species. The end of history. The city on the hill. The best,
the brightest, the rightest, the richest, the rootinest-tootinest.
And that authorizes you to kill anybody in the way. Or degrade them.
Humiliate them. Torture them. So what. Like manifest destiny, preeminence
steamrolls the losers. Tough.
the distinction you made, Rummy, between "abuse" and "torture."
My faith in you, in all of you, is unshaken. Heads up, think positive.
Forget the hiccups, letís look at accomplishments. Weíre still doing
a tremendous job with civilian deaths. Kids, women, journalists,
wedding parties, villagers sleeping. Who the hell cares? Donít know
how many cuz we donít count íem! And we continue to do well with
non-civilian deaths, that is, with the people who officially deserve
to die, like those 100,000 sorry sods stuck in the desert and "carbonized"
during Gulf War I in a mere 100 hours of what you unironically referred
to at the time as combat. How many tens of thousands more have since
bought it in Afghanistan, how many in Gulf War II? Weíve taken significant
strides in not knowing and not caring, and Iím mighty pleased about
that. The paper today claims that up to 90% of the prisoners in
Abu Ghraib were there "by mistake" and at least 30% of
the prisoners in Guantanamo are there by mistake. What can I say?
Those numbers do us proud. "They donít know how good we are."
Remember that one, George? Agent Osama uses the same line. Donít
know how weíd get by without your sense of humor. Guess weíll just
have to keep Ďem waiting a while longer!
gotta go. Got discord to sow, tongues to fork, hearts to freeze,
souls to torment. But I know I can continue to count on you to lighten
my load. Keep up the good work. Youíre on the side of the [fallen]
angels. Dubya? Loveya! And love that war on terror! In case the
rubes continue to ask whoís behind it, letís keep using "Jesus"
as our cover, canít seem to wear that one out.
yíall in hell!
Liechty [send him mail]
currently teaches in Muscat, Oman.
© 2004 LewRockwell.com