Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Election
Steven and Charles Goyette
Steven and Charles Goyette
so!" "Did not!" "You're a liar!" "You're one, too!"
presidential contest sounds so much like your kids in the backseat
on a long road trip, that you almost expect them to break out
in chants of "I'm rubber and you’re glue!"
is in this atmosphere of elevated public debate that my 11-year-old
son Steven and I decided a convincing case could be made that
this is the Winnie the Pooh election. While this may be the Fifty
State Nation, not the Hundred Acre Wood, we believe the comparison
is otherwise uncanny.
immediately cast John Kerry in the role of Eeyore the donkey.
"That’s good son. The donkey has long been the symbol of
he said, "It’s not that. There’s a certain… resemblance!"
there, the rest of the casting fell right into place. George W.
Bush is playing the part of Winnie the Pooh himself. Anyone who
has seen President Bush reading that other childhood classic,
"My Pet Goat," will immediately be put in mind of the
words of the song:
the Pooh doesn’t know what to do,
a honey jar stuck on his nose.
part fits so well, we’re wondering if the "W" actually
stands for Winnie!
course Vice President Dick Cheney bears a certain resemblance
to Owl, except that Owl, who makes a great pretense of being wise,
is actually foolish, while Cheney, on the other hand, is actually…
well never mind! And they both live in hidey holes!
hope we don’t come across any Heffalumps today," said Pooh
as he and Owl strolled through the Hundred Acre Wood.
Owl instructed, "Heffalumps of mass destruction, Pooh! They’re
being reconstituted right now!"
then Eeyore happened along. "Why the long face Eeyore?"
make fun of my long face," said Eeyore in his long, slow,
deep voice. "At least I don’t go around all day with a honey
jar stuck in my nose."
mind all that," said Owl in an irritated tone. "Can’t
you see we have more important things to do? We’re under imminent
threat of Heffalumps! And they’re working closely with all the
bees in the hive!"
said Pooh, who always acted like he knew what Owl was talking
looked long and hard at Eeyore. "We’re going to have to take
them out first before they take us out. We’re counting on your
support Eeyore. You’re not going to go anti-Pooh Corner on us
again are you?"
said Pooh, trying to act important. "You’re either with us
or you’re with the Heffalumps!"
shook his head slowly and began a low, mournful, and awfully hard
to figure out refrain:
can’t say yes,
can’t say no,
I think it’s all a lie.
just guess I’ll vote yes now,
explain it bye and bye.
said Owl, making an effort to conceal that he was making an effort
to conceal his impatience.
said Pooh peevishly, thinking the prickly tone he’d learned from
Owl would come in handy if he ever got in a public argument with
then Tigger bounded onto the scene as only he can:
pounds and in ounces,
always looks bigger
of his bounces!
brought a youthful exuberance that hasn’t been seen in a vice
presidential running mate since Dan Quail – which is a species
of bird not unknown in the Hundred Acre Wood.
little buddy-roos!" said Tigger. "Watcha doing?"
on your team," Owl said to Eeyore. "Now let’s get going.
We’ve got to strike the Heffalumps preemptively. When we’re done
I know just the guys to put everything back together."
that?" Pooh asked.
Owl," said Eeyore. "Who did you have in mind?"
peered over the rims of his glasses at Pooh and Eeyore.
a company I used to work for. A little group called Owliburton!"
Goyette is in sixth grade at Rancho Solano Private School in Phoenix.
His Dad, Charles, is the morning talk show host on Talk Radio
1100 KFNX in Phoenix, AZ. Send
© 2004 LewRockwell.com