McDonald and Ayn Rand
by Brian Wilson
if Ronald McDonald met Ayn Rand?
the New York Sun, Andrew Young tells another sad story of
government sponsored tyranny for all the usual reasons: money, power,
headlines, TV face time and rewarding Friends in High Places (see
also Trial Lawyers Ass. and Special Interest Groups).
this exciting next episode, CA Attorney General Bill Lockyer (D-Absurdistan)
is the hard-charging Villain cum White Hat. His evil plan is to
force McDonald’s, Burger King and the rest of the Fast Food Boys
to put warning labels on French (formerly known as "Freedom")
Fries. Not the fries themselves, of course that would be
over the top even for a public extortionist – but on the packages
in which they are delivered. Just to show he is an Equal Opportunity
bully, Lockyer has also filed suit against the French Fries dangerous
cousins, the dreaded Potato(e) Chips!
noble cause? He wants to warn everyone everywhere throughout the
People’s Republic of La-La Land that their lives and more importantly,
the Lives of the Children are in danger. Why? Young reports; you
nasty little chemical called acrylamide, commonly used in making
paper and dyes, in grout and cement and in processing ore. By
itself it probably tastes terrible.
in high concentrations has long been known to cause cancer, but
before 2002 it was thought to pose risk only to workers who handled
it in factories and on construction sites. Then Swedish scientists
discovered that acrylamide was also formed naturally in the cooking
of starchy foods, including grains (breads or cereals), nuts,
some vegetables and potatoes.
acrylamide, however, unlike the stuff you'd find in a puddle at
a construction site, apparently has negligible effects because
the doses are minuscule.
goes on to report on FDA, Harvard and British tests supporting the
innocuousness of the substance.
of which is irrelevant to General Bill. Trial Lawyers put their
pantyhose on one leg at a time just like the rest of us. They have
Country Club dues, prep school tuition, BMW, Lexus and yacht payments
and vacation resort home mortgages to pay just like the rest of
us. And if The General and his posse with the white subpoena papers
won’t protect the good but terminally ignorant citizens, who will?
So McDonald's Corp., Burger King Corp., Pepsi Inc.'s Frito-Lay unit
and 6 other nasty, horrible companies – Big Potato(e) – are gonna
have to pay and pay and pay for forcing hapless CA residents to
ingest oodles and oodles of the Fries Formerly Known as "Freedom"
and those like unto it: the dreaded Chip.
course, this whole tasteless process doesn’t have to tie up our
legal system with unnecessary court time. After all, there is no
argument at stake here. No, it’s not "public health"!
It’s money (see also "fees," "billable time"
and "cut you losses").
Young reports so accurately:
a state's attorney general files a lawsuit, no practical consideration
will stand in his way."
gonna take a shot at it anyway. After all, desperate times call
for desperate actions. Here goes:
CEO’s of McDonald’s, Burger King, Pepsico-Frito Lay and every
other corporate entity named in this legalized extortion:
a phrase from "BRILLIANT!" British satirist Monty Python,
"Run Away! Run Away!" Or to put it in blunt business
terms: Close. Leave. Lock the doors; throw away the key. Stick
a fork in it and adios! While you’re at it, invite Coke and Pepsi
and all their bubbly buddies to join the exodus. Gov. Terminator,
in legislation that might even make General Bill happy, recently
signed a prohibition outlawing soda pop in public schools to fight
the so-called "epidemic of obesity" bursting seams throughout
the Golden (for trial lawyers) State. Why hang out where you’re
so obviously not wanted? Certainly the State could find something
to do with all those vacant drive-thru windows and empty grocery
store shelves. And the suddenly unemployed? Hell, give ’em State
jobs! Certainly the phrase "Would you like to Super-size
that" would be right at home in Sacramento(e) and state agencies
from the "Leaving Tijuana" to the "Welcome to Oregon"
Shrugged and use your imagination!
this ain’t a’gonna happen. There will be the usual snorts
of outrage from the Corporate Attorneys’ offices, more self-serving
righteous indignation from the CA AG and the Trial Lawyers Ass.
with appropriate "Me-Too’s" from "health groups"
lining up for a piece of the pie (so to speak). And checks will
be written and hands will be shaken and press releases released
all claiming some sort of victory over Big Potato(e) or Big State.
The Warning Labels will be affixed and ignored. Later, new
law suits will be filed by some bloated potato(e) head, the Ambulance
Chaser claiming (insert random malady here) due to French Fry/Chip
ingestion "…and insufficient warning from a Corporate giant
that knew KNEW the ingredients were both addictive
and life-threatening and that will be $20 bazillion dollars please,
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury……"
in the Land of What-If….What if Mickey D’s et al. did just that:
leave California? Of course they won’t. The financial resolution
of this will be an expensive and unfortunate footnote on the defendants’
Annual Report. But What If? What If they just threatened to walk?
Yes, most of the stores are franchise outlets, not Company O&O’s
– but just consider the possibilities of a corporate mindset that
would force politicians to experience public reaction to ham-handed
interference in the Free Market. What If "Big Tobacco"
decided to no longer sell product in CA or any state using them
to supplement their General Fund with non-stop law suits?
bad the Freedom Fries label didn’t stick. Maybe the irony wouldn’t
be lost even on Bill Lockyer & Friends.
Holding one’s breath waiting for anything referenced above to actually
happen (other than the lawsuits) has been shown to more deleterious
to your health than a Whopper.
Wilson [send him mail] is
a talk show host, author and speaker. He's heard on better talk
radio stations across the country through his Vacation Relief Service
and most recently vented his libertarian views on KSFO/San Francisco.
© 2005 LewRockwell.com