'Leave Me Alone'
Is solitude such a terrible thing to wish for? I think not

by Garrison Keillor

One short weekend, so much to do – an invitation to go swimming at night by moonlight, the Iran protest march downtown with our mouths taped shut, a dance at the Eagles Club with a hot horn band playing '70s funk that propels people onto the dance floor as if shot from guns – but here I am stuck with houseguests who are unable to sit in a room without me for more than 15 minutes. They follow me around like faithful collies. We ran out of conversation on Friday and they're here until Wednesday. I have had un-Christian thoughts about them. I may have to run away from home.

The problem, dear hearts, is a common one here in the American heartland: an inability to express personal preference in simple declarative sentences, no modifiers.

E.g., "I vish to be alone."

Is this a terrible thing to vish for? I think not. One loves company and then one loves uncompany, just as one enjoys sunshine/darkness, summer/winter, funk/folk, b&w/color, all sorts of dichotomies. Solitude is recognized by most world religions. Hairy-legged hermits sit in prayerful contemplation in their mountain caves and nobody thinks less of them for it. So why can't you or I spend a couple of hours alone in an undisclosed location?

There is nothing odd about wanting to be alone. It doesn't mean that I am spray-painting Nazi slogans on the walls and fantasizing about getting even with them what done me wrong. It doesn't indicate male menopause. It only means that I am experiencing Personal Male Secrecy Syndrome (PMSS), the urge common to all men to climb a tree and sit on a high limb for a few hours. This is a powerful motive in most literary careers. Yes, John Updike had a great gift, but also John Updike preferred not to spend his life at a conference table but rather in a quiet corner with a yellow legal pad and a rollerball pen and write what he wished, nobody looking over his shoulder and saying, "Could we change that 'me' to 'you'?"

Read the rest of the article

June 25, 2009

Copyright © 2009 Garrison Keillor. All rights reserved. Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.