Yo, Hillary: I’ll Be Sitting Almost As Pretty As You, Once TSA Pays Up

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TSA is offering a reward of $15,000 to anyone “who can figure out how to lessen the wait for pre-registered passengers at the country’s airports.”

Well, Pervs, this is your — and my — lucky day, because I know how to not only lessen but eliminate the wait for everyone, not just “pre-registered passengers.” Ready? Listen up: ABOLISH THE TSA. Presto: no more lines. No more crying victims of gate-rape, either. No more disappearing Ipods, Ipads, money, jewelry, etc. No more traumatized toddlers in wheelchairs renouncing trips to Disney World in the hope of escaping your pedophilia. No more 124% increases in the taxes that fund your nonsense, either. Indeed, the list of benefits from my idea is endless.

I await my fifteen thou, though of course it’s nothing more than some of my taxes coming back to me. And hey, if any of you other bureaucrats out there want advice on streamlining your scams, gimme a call.

I’ll be sitting by the phone…

9:31 am on July 24, 2014