Yet Another Animal More Equal than the Others

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It’s almost but not quite enough to make you feel sorry for rather than itching to horsewhip John “The Pervert” Pistole, Chief Deviant at the TSA. Perv continues giving it the old college try as far as rehabilitating his sorry agency’s reputation. Yet the ingrates his gate-rapists molest nonetheless continue in their virulent hatred of the TSA.

Perv’s latest attempt calls for “flight attendants … [to use] faster security checkpoints at airports across the country … under a program known as the Known Crewmember initiative.” Essentially, these waiters and waitresses of the welkin will join pilots in presenting their papers to the TSA, whose goon will then allow them to pass unmolested — usually: “they will still be subject to random, unpredictable searches, however.”

Naturally, Perv is exempting the waitstaff from sexual assault solely for passengers’ benefit: “…it speeds up screening of known ‘low-risk’ travelers, while allowing TSA screeners to focus on unknown travelers [sic for ‘you and me’],” thereby allegedly shortening the checkpoints’ lines. And no, his uncharacteristic mercy has nothing to do with pressure from the stews’ unions, you unpatriotic cynic, you.

“Flight crews, and flight attendants in particular, are the trusted first responders responsible for protecting the flying public. TSA’s decision recognizes this fact while promoting increased efficiency in our industry and I applaud it,” Laura Glading, head cheese at the Association of Professional Flight Attendants (APFA), predictably prattled. Ah, but according to the TSA, “Passengers” also number among its “Layers of Avaition Security,” right up there with “Trained Flight Crew.” Indeed, the TSA goes so far as to assert that “Each one of these layers alone is capable of stopping a terrorist attack” — begging the question of why the bureaucracy exists if passengers by themselves can thwart unelected terrorists (and have done so several times).

Whatever, based on Laura’s babbling and the TSA’s own admission of our abilities, shouldn’t the agency quit gate-raping us as well as stews? Alas, no union hassles The Perv on our behalf, not to mention all those incredibly lucrative contracts the TSA hands out, so look for its thugs to continue their reign of terror over us. Neither politicians nor The Perv will ever free us from these criminals: that glorious reclamation of liberty is up to us.

8:11 am on July 24, 2012