Which Shade of Lipstick Looks Best on a Pig?

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Our Rulers are busily applying cosmetics to the NSA, hoping we are dumb enough to mistake a murderous monster for a patriot.

For example, Sen. Dianne “I Really Believe in the NSA!” Feinstein (D-CA) “outlined proposed changes to the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act during a hearing Thursday. … Feinstein said legislation her committee is drafting would ‘strictly limit access to the… phone metadata records, expressly prohibit the collection of the content of phone calls,’ and limit the amount of time such U.S. phone call data could be kept. Such records show the date and length of calls, and the numbers dialed.” Right. Even McClatchey Newspapers, about as mainstream as it gets, identifies Di “as a longtime defender of the National Security Agency.” Anything this tool of the NSA proposes will strengthen, not diminish, its powers.

But don’t take my word for it. Di herself admits that her “bill, which could be passed by her committee as early as next week, would ‘change but preserve’ bulk record collection.” And “Director of National Intelligence James Clapper” also confesses that the legislation will augment the NSA’s authority, almost verbatim. He “told the committee [over which Di presides, God help us] he was willing to consider limiting both how U.S. telephone and email data collected by NSA is used, and the amount of time it is stored. He said he’s also open to other proposed changes, like appointing an independent official to oppose the government in hearings before the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act court, the secret federal court that considers all government surveillance requests.”

Imagine Ariel Castro’s agreeing to “restrictions” on how he abused the three chattel slaves he held for a decade at his home in Cleveland. “Sure, I’m open to their parents’ writing me and arguing that I should be nicer to ‘em. Heck, I’ll even read those letters! And I’m willing to consider buying ‘em a Big Mac once in a while ‘stead of only Happy Meals, long as they pay for it, if you know what I mean.” Wink, wink.

A couple of other make-up artists are contributing to this scam as well. “A House Intelligence Committee member, Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., announced a bill Friday that … would add a constitutional advocate to the [secretive Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court]’s proceedings to represent public interest when making decisions on the NSA’s programs.” Four slime-sorry, senators are also proposing a “constitutional advocate.” And you can see why: it’s not that the NSA meant to violate the Constitution, goodness, no! Its snoops simply never read that lengthy, totally obscure and very-difficult-to-understand Fourth Amendment, which is also written in Sanskrit, inconveniently enough.

Meanwhile, if you think your phone calls and emails will satiate the NSA’s sickos, think again. They claim they  have “justification to collect other bulk data — like medical and business records — with court approval.” Does that move the curs and cowards in elective office to abolish this horrific agency? Of course not: “Members of Congress said Thursday that some change in the way the NSA operates is inevitable, even if it is limited only to revising what information the agency must divulge to Congress.” [Emphasis added.] Yep, never send a politician to do what we should do ourselves, in this case, driving a stake through the NSA’s heart.

1:37 pm on September 27, 2013