Vote Republican in 2008

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As nice as it is to have principles and stand up for the bombed, taxed, regulated and oppressed there’s something I’ve been noticing about this libertarian gig. It ain’t exactly the ticket to Park Avenue, if you get my meaning. How many times have we libertarians heard that “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds”? Well I don’t want a little mind any more. I want a big mind… And some cash.

So my plan is to become a high priced political consultant to the Republican Party. They’re going to need all the help they can get in 2008. Here are some rough ideas of slogans and themes that I hope will help them out, and prove that my rightful place is golfing with Saudi princes and Halliburton execs like other good Republicans. I think you’ll see my basic strategy and it’s one that I don’t think any of the rest of them are going to think of: Embrace the truth. Or as programmers like to say: “It’s a feature, not a bug.”

  • The Party of Lincoln: Big Government, Big Business, War
  • Big Government, Your Values.
  • Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, FDR, George W. Bush. Vote For Greatness. Vote Republican in 2008.
  • One More Region of the World in Chaos: Is That Too Much to Ask?
  • Vote Republican. The Decider Says.
  • Just Let Us Finish the War on Terror. We’re Almost Done.
  • Security or Liberty? No Contest. Vote Republican in 2008.
  • The Champions of Democracy. Everywhere. Vote Republican.
  • So You Want the Democrats Running the Empire. Seriously?

10:00 am on August 10, 2006