Those Fatal Nerf Guns

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A lime-green Nerf toy gun caused an hours-long lock-down at a Long Island school on Tuesday.”

Yes! You know, you have to go a very long way to beat the absurdities of the TSA, but I believe we may have with this story: “A 911 caller told Nassau County Police she saw a suspicious teen at about 7:38 a.m. Tuesday … The caller said he was also carrying a lime green gun.” Hmm. Might that have been a clue that we’re dealing with a toy? Meanwhile, this is precisely why the DHS’s Orwellian campaign to turn us all into snitches, “See Something, Say Something,” is so preposterous: because morons who spot a Nerf report it and idiots respond to those reports.

No matter: “A SWAT team searched the school room by room.  Parents were allowed to pick up their children early Tuesday afternoon.” Emphasis added. “They eventually found the toy lime green and yellow lever action” — oh, “yellow lever action”! Why didn’t you say so? No wonder allegedly mature adults panicked! — “Nerf gun in a student locker.  Police did not make any arrests” — there’s a surprise! — “and the lockdown was lifted. School officials confiscated the toy gun and say it will be returned to the parents.” Living dangerously, huh, guys?

“Inspector Kenneth Lack says the heightened response was due to ‘an abundance of precaution.’” Not according to my dictionary, Ken. What we’ve got here is an abundance of stupidity — jaw-dropping, abysmal, utterly ludicrous stupidity. (Thanks to Charles Everett for sending me the article. No doubt he’s still doubled over laughing, as am I.)

10:34 am on January 17, 2013
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