The TSA’s T and A Focus

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I’ve been flying a lot recently, and observe a TSA outrage every single time I’m at an airport. The two latest:

A young woman went through the porno-tron machine in front of me and the machine made two yellow marks on her behind in her body image, which is now on display in stick figure form right there where you can see it. Alarm! Alarm! A female TSA goon was summoned. She told the young woman to stand still while she proceeded to grab and squeeze both butt cheeks several times before saying “all clear.” I’m guessing about 50 people were standing around watching the TSA pervert grab the young woman’s ass like she was kneading pizza dough. You can’t imagine how relieved we all were when the TSA pervert allowed the young woman to proceed to the gate, not having found a bomb implanted in her butt cheeks.

Then just this morning a TSA goon said she wanted to search my bag. She did, and the following “conversation” ensued:

TSA Goon:     “Do you have keys in your bag?

Me:                     “Yes, my car keys are in there.”

TSA Goon:       “Where are they?”

Me:                     “Right here in this zippered pocket.”

TSA Goon:       (Taking the car keys out, she held them up and stared at them intently as though she was examining a body part of a space alien. Then she said: “These have to go through again.”

Me:                     “What a bunch of stupid frickin’ idiots” (to anyone who might be listening/watching).

TSA Goon:      “OK, you can go now.”

12:44 pm on April 16, 2012