The Threat From Global Warming Is Over!

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A news story informs us that Prince Charles has abandoned his use of private planes in favor of commercial airline flights and trains. He is doing this, the story continues, in order to save the planet from ruin. He added that we have been “living off credit and living on borrowed time,” a criticism I am not certain was directed at mankind in general, or to the English monarchy!

Well-informed people know that social problems can only be resolved from the top-down, by political authorities and their vertically-structured systems. It is, therefore, a relief to know that England’s king-to-be has taken upon himself the task of saving Earth from the consequences of temperature increases by deigning to travel with the common folk. Celebrity-seekers may now watch for the good prince on the train to Dover, or on a British Airways flight to Mallorca (“is that him, munching on the pretzels?”) Shall the London subway system soon to be graced with his presence? Visions of a strap-hanging prince anxiously watching for the next train stop may be too much for the faint of heart.

With the alleged thermal threats to the planet safely in the recuperative hands of Charles, the rest of us may now direct our attentions to other remaining social questions. Perhaps we can resolve the fate of the girl in Aruba, or the “heartbreak of psoriasis,” or the decades-old mystery of who threw the overalls in Mrs. Murphy’s chowder!

2:22 pm on December 7, 2006