The Dog Ate My Homework, Honest!

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The TSA is sustaining minimally hostile fire again, this time from Republicrats in the House of Representatives who complain that the agency is wasting our money. (Yo, Masters: yes, it most definitely is. All your bureaucracies waste our money. Some of them also sexually assault us. And much as we deplore the waste, it’s the hand down our pants that turns the TSA from mere “government as usual” into a serious war criminal.)

Seems the Thugs and Sexual Assailants squandered $184 million on “1,300 pieces of … screening equipment” that they then “mothballed” in a warehouse. Said warehouse already contained a fortune in similar gizmos — which the TSA tried to hide from Congressional investigators after lying about the number of contraptions it had squirreled away.

Or, as the report the Republicrats issued yesterday on this malfeasance and criminality put it, “When attempting to conduct oversight, instead of cooperation from TSA the committees have been met with obfuscation, excuses and attempts to mislead.” Hmmm. Sounds as if the TSA has confused the committees with passengers. To complete its abuse, the agency should give all members a good grope.

But the TSA had its excuse ready: It “says the security equipment was being held while smaller airports completed preparations to accept it.” Yeah, right. And every kid would turn in his homework if the dang dog didn’t get so hungry.

The report also complains that “The agency’s flaws are not the fault of TSA employees working everyday on the front lines…” No, of course not. These aren’t the savages breaking 16-year-old girls’ insulin pumps, terrorizing kids so that they flee screaming down the concourse, or strip-searching grannies. These aren’t the pedophiles and thieves in the headlines day after day.

No, they’re fine, upstanding “employees working everyday on the front lines” who, alas, sexually molest us and steal our stuff only because the devil and John Pistole — but I repeat myself — make ‘em do it.

5:15 am on May 10, 2012