Surviving—Even Thriving Despite—the TSA

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I have long advocated totally boycotting Amerika’s aviation gulag. If enough folks did so, the loss of business would rouse the airlines, which are now fully complicit with the TSA, to demand its abolition instead–and corporate cronies’ displeasure is one of the few pressures to which Our fascist Rulers respond. But even if you are the sole abstention from flying, staying on the ground could very well save your life: the TSA has killed one man and is morally responsible for the death of a woman; it’s only a matter of time before its thugs murder someone else, either through sheer incompetence or with malice aforethought.

However, many of you must fly: you live 500 miles from the only doctor treating your rare disease, or the line of work with which you support your three kids requires long-distance travel. My heart goes out to you, but I have no advice on how to navigate the TSA’s torture since I lack experience.

Fortunately, a road-warrior stepped up to the plate on this topic; he originally sent his tips to me, and I urged him to publish them. His primer will help you endure your next trip to the airport, from mentally preparing yourself before setting foot in the terminal to the parting barbs you can hurl at your gate-rapist. As you may imagine, I especially applaud this tactic: “When I travel by air…, I print out extra copies of essays about the TSA—the kind they don’t want people to read. …I use Becky Akers’ essays a lot. Just sit down in a chair in the waiting area, read them for a quick mood boost, and leave them on the chair for the next person to pick up.” Hey, and I don’t even charge residuals.

8:59 am on March 3, 2014