The Maryland state government recently passed a new law giving itself “special powers” to quickly condemn the Pimlico race track under the law of eminent domain. They did this because the company that owns Pimlico, home of the famous Preakness Stakes race, is bankrupt and wants to put Pimlico up for auction. One prospective bidder wants to raze the place and put yet another shopping mall in the location.
The Fifth Amendment “Takings Clause,” which is copied almost verbatim by most state constitutions, says that government can only condemn land “for public use” and requires “just compensation,” as defined by politicians (ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha).
I attended the Preakness yesterday, so I think that I finally know what “public use” (as opposed to private use) means. It means $1 beers for breakfast (I had breakfast at home myself); lots of urinating in parking lots and other public places; a Hooters Girls bikini contest; a great ZZ Top concert (I stood about 20 feet from the stage); a womens’ “professional” womens’ volleyball/skimpiest bikini bottom competition (I stood approximately one inch from the sideline); booze, booze, and more booze; sloppy drunks, sloppy drunks, and more sloppy drunks; gambling, gambling (on horse races all day long) everywhere; the sale about every five feet of “black-eyed susans,” a mixture of rum, orange juice, and Lord knows what else; a NASCAR simulator; a very, very bad local rock band that appeared to be suffering from tattoo poisoning; and of course The Big Horse Race.
I bet on Mine That Bird to place (i.e., come in second), since he blew away the field at the Kentucky Derby, but everyone in the world was confident that Rachel Alexandra would win (which she did). Miraculously, the “Bird” came in second and I won a bundle. All in the public interest, of course.
7:27 pm on May 17, 2009
