Shoot me with a whole grain, low-fat, reduced sodium hollow point .45, and I might get healthy.

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So now, carbs and processed ingredients, in the form of pizza, have been reinvented as a “health food” fit for school cafeterias. It’s called “Domino’s smart slice.” It is high-IQ pizza that knows how to properly nourish children. Domino’s Pizza wants to keep selling its products to public schools, so it has reinvented its product, added a few warm and fuzzies, a really predictable name, and everyone is happy with the new face on the old body with some new curves added to appeal to the whole-wheat, lowfat, reduced sodium crowd that worships the USDA’s health and wellness paradigm.

Domino’s Smart Slice is a white whole-wheat, reduced fat and reduced sodium pizza, which is baked fresh and delivered to schools.

Domino’s is selling its genius pizza to 120 school districts already, with plans to double that within a year. This pizza is so smart that it meets the newly-proposed USDA guidelines for subsidized school lunches for the kiddies. Note this special interest nonsense from the article:

Domino’s Smart Slice is a fantastic example of industry collaborating with America’s dairy producers to develop an innovative solution that nourishes children,” said Tom Gallagher, Dairy Management, Inc. CEO.

…”The development of Domino’s Smart Slice shows how the collaboration among dairy farmers, schools, processors and major food brands like Domino’s can result in healthier, flavorful and fresh school food choices for our children,” said Cindy Haren, Western Dairy Association CEO, whose organization worked closely with local franchisees and schools to make Domino’s Smart Slice a success. Smart junk food that “nourishes” children.

“Smart junk food?” Is that anything like tasty rattlesnake poison? Domino’s is in partnership with Dairy Management Inc. and the National Dairy Council in the creation of a new foundation: Fuel Up to Play 60. This partnership will create (very profitable) nutrition opportunities in school, with Domino’s making deals with the government to sell its products. Kids nationwide will get Domino’s “smart” pizza, and then they’ll be told to move for 60 minutes. This program is for the purpose of “fighting obesity.” So, fighting obesity with smart junk food is now a part of the paradigm that fits into the new federal framework for good health. And you can bet that Domino’s was required to start a foundation to “fight obesity” in return for government’s approval of its really smart junk food and its many government contracts to sell its pizza in schools. The “smart” pizza is a compromise to appease to the ‘anti-junk-food-in-school’ movement.

P.S. РBack in the day when I was an auditor for on of the big public accounting firms, I was on some of the municipal and school audits (city governments, district courts, libraries, schools). I had to audit school lunch menus because schools received federally appropriated funds. I had to sample many menus from throughout the year and audit the nutrition makeup of the meals to see that they conformed to federal guidelines.

1:01 pm on January 23, 2011