Scott Adams, Anarcho-Capitalist

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No, not really. But his charmingly irreverent attitude toward the state, its apparatus, and its symbols puts him in fine company.

I wonder how much it would cost to have my own army composed of third world mercenaries. I’d want them as more of a status symbol than a fighting force. Obviously I’d have to hire my soldiers from a country where the annual wage is $1.25, otherwise it gets expensive. And they’d have to stay in that country. I’d outsource the whole project.

My army’s only duty would be to march in formation several times a day and shout songs about my glory. The whole thing would probably cost me less than a few thousand per year. And for that modest sum, I’d have a cool answer every time someone said to me “You and whose army?” I’d have pictures of my army in my wallet and just whip them out. Then I’d say something like “Here’s the 101 Infantry Division. This fellow on the end, Gbernak, he can swim. He’s my amphibious landing force.”

I would lend my army to multinational peacekeeping forces whenever it was hard to get a coalition. It would be funny to watch President Bush explain who was joining the next coalition. “Well, our coalition is growing. So far we have the United States… and Puerto Rico… I think Hawaii is on board. Japan is sending some bandages. And of course we have the Army of Scott Adams. They spend most of the day hiding, but we’re sure they’re with us.”

Here he is on flag burning:

I consider myself a highly patriotic guy and I understand how people can get worked up over the flag being burned. I love my flag. But symbols are personal things, and everyone is free to interpret them however they see fit. For me, a flag that I’m NOT allowed to burn is a symbol that the government is too intrusive in my life. . . .

If flag burning becomes illegal, someone is going to start a company that sells flags that are slightly different from American flags — just different enough to be legal to burn. The burnable flags might have 51 stars, or 14 stripes — something like that. The beauty of this concept is that if you got caught burning a real American flag, you could claim it was really just a near-flag. That’s reasonable doubt. No one would ever get convicted.

3:50 pm on July 4, 2006
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