I read a sign on a machine that dispenses a sanitary hand-lotion. The message reads: “Please sanitize your hands to help maintain a healthy environment.” As long as someone has decided to use such utterly stupid reasoning to peddle their hand-lotion, why not broaden the base of their appeal as follows: “Please sanitize your hands to help maintain a healthy environment; and help fight terrorism, spousal abuse, and global warming. Do it for the children and the victims of 9/11.”

The Best of Butler Shaffer