“Please Spread Your Legs, Ma’am, So I Can Gate-Rape You. Thanks.”

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I despise Winston Churchill, but I do love his point that “When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.” Should we apply that to pedophilia and molestation, too? Congresscriminal Gerry Connolly (D for “dumb,” and terminally so – VA) says yes. “‘There’s no excuse for someone barking orders continuously at the public at any airport in America who is an employee of the federal government, or a contractor for the federal government,’ Connelly said.”

He’s right as far as he goes. But we can expand his observation. There’s no excuse for someone sexually assaulting passengers, stealing their iPads, strip-searching and otherwise humiliating them — then bizarrely claiming that this somehow protects aviation and those who cooperate are patriotic. Indeed, the only solution for the TSA’s various crimes, sins and indecencies is abolition. Complete and permanent abolition.

Naturally, Ger prefers to reform it instead. Right. Maybe he can reform cancer next. Meanwhile, measure poor Ger’s witlessness as he confuses the bureaucratic universe of coercion and brutality with the private one of voluntary, pleasant interaction: “I’d lose my job if I treated the public that way and rightfully so. My staff would be fired if I find that they treated my public that way.”

But a bureaucracy depends on politicians instead of patrons for  its revenue; “the public” is an irritating inconvenience for all agencies, not their raison d’etre, as it is for entrepreneurs. And it’s even worse when bureaucracies are “law-enforcing”: they see “the public” as criminals — or, in the TSA’s case, as terrorists –, undeserving of even minimal civility.

All of which has Ger proposing the political panacea: legislation. “If I can’t get assurances that we’re going to take [courtesy] seriously and we’re going to redouble our efforts to make sure that TSA agents or the private sector [contractors] are properly trained in customer service and show respect for the public we’re serving, then we’re going to have to do something legislatively about it.”

Think about the regs on that one. How wide must his smile be when a goon sticks his hand between your legs? Must he keep it that size or broaden it as he prods and paws? Will Ger henceforth require the thugs to send a thank-you note when they swipe your camera? How many “pleases” and “thanks so muches” per barked order?

Whatever. Ger’s “going to insist and I know I won’t have any resistance from the other side of the aisle on that one.” Yeah, I know you won’t either, Ger. They’re as imbecilic as you.

9:39 am on January 16, 2014