‘Obama Denies Role in Government’

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The New Yorker’s Andy Borowitz has a hot scoop, “Obama Denies Role in Government.” Actually this sort of sordid information is nothing new.  The American public confidently knows this type of expose’ could have been anticipated if one carefully examines the historical record of presidents of the past century: Teddy Roosevelt was never involved in the Panama Canal scandal; nor Woodrow Wilson and the first Red Scare; nor Warren Harding and Teapot Dome; nor Herbert Hoover and the assault upon the Bonus Marchers; nor Franklin Roosevelt and the regime’s campaign against the Black Press during WWII; nor Harry Truman and the subversion of the 1948 Italian elections; nor Dwight Eisenhower and the coups d’etat in Iran and Guatemala; nor John Kennedy and the Bay of Pigs; nor Lyndon Johnson and the murder and coup d’etat against John Kennedy; nor Richard Nixon and Watergate; nor Gerald Ford and the pardon of Richard Nixon; nor Jimmy Carter and the Iranian Hostage Crisis; nor Ronald Reagan and the 1980 October Surprise; nor George H. W. Bush and Iran-Contra; nor Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky; nor George W. Bush, 911, and weapons of mass destruction. Official court historians and their mainstream media counterparts patiently reassure us that all of these scurrilous allegations are fabrications, falsehoods, and fanciful lies manufactured by malicious conspiracy theorists and other stunted sorts. Now go back to enjoying your Sunday afternoon off. Nothing to see here, citizens.

3:10 pm on May 19, 2013