No Child Left Behind: the football version

From a teacher who has to live under the system imposed on our once locally-controlled schools by the party of limited government:

1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all must win the
championship .If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held
accountable.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities.ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without
instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their
instructional time with the athletes who aren’t interested in
football, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don’t like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept
in 4th, 8th and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of sports where every school is expected
to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same
minimal goals.

If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

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11:39 pm on February 17, 2005