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Your eavesdropping on Our Rulers continues apace; many of you are so deft at catching criminal chatter you could lounge about on our taxes at the NSA! I must plead for mercy, however, as my ribs are sore. So if you haven’t already sent me your best guess at what evil Despicable Di and Jean-Luc were hatching when AP snapped their picture (yeah, follow the link: I’m not reprinting the photo again lest I further nauseate myself and readers), wait for the next contest.

And now for our second batch of entries (third and final batch later today):

Dave Trimble says Jean-Luc’s remarks are as innocuous as how he’s going to waste our taxes on yet more Star-Trek fantasies: “I’m going to the Halloween party as Kirk. You wanna go as a Klingon? You’re not smiling, does that mean no?”

Andreatta Geerdes continues with the Trekkie theme: “‘Resistance is futile: You must pull up your hair like Captain Janeway and wear a Star Fleet uniform if you want to try out my captain’s chair,’ NSA chief Gen. Keith Alexander was overheard telling Sen. Dianne Feinstein before Thursday’s committee hearing on Capitol Hill.”

As does Ronald: “Oy gevalt, Bubbela, Mr. Spock has just proved to me that it’s logical that the people should arm themselves against the government with semiautomatic weapons!” When I protested that this strained credulity — nothing will ever persuade Our Rulers we should be armed, and certainly not sweet logic — Ronald told me, “By using the phrase Oy gevalt, he’s saying that ‘We have a disaster on our hands.’  That’s what the phrase imparts and not very subtly.”

Scott Airhart “think[s Jean Luc] needs a last name, how about……Petard? He’s telling Feinstein that the tapping will continue until morale improves.”

Larry Visnic sees Jean-Luc “report[ing] in to his senatorial mistress Dianne Feinstein on the latest agency data haul: ‘Yes, ma’am, yes ma’am, three bags full!’”

And Bret DeVries imagines Jean-Luc to be a man of few but menacing words in the best Mafioso tradition: “Congress is next. NSA will rule.”

Dan Lind offers two possible lines for Jean-Luc: “Trust me, Di baby.  If I’d known I had AIDS I would have told you!” Or “You’ll get your dentures back once you’ve fixed this.  Promise!” Yo, Di: I wouldn’t believe this serial liar either way. But heck, being an accomplished liar yourself, you don’t need my advice, do you?

And Mark Higdon wins our other contest for Most Relevant Tagline on an email. His missives close with “(This message has been intercepted by the NSA: the only branch of government that listens.)” Meanwhile, here’s his contribution to the list of possible captions: “Sorry, Senator, but I really need to open your blouse to check you for a wire.”

On that grisly note, I’m off to read the next round of entries.

10:03 am on October 1, 2013
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