McStrangelove’s “I Have A Dream” Speech

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When I heard Faux News announce this morning that John McStrangelove was to share his “vision for America” in a speech this morning, I decided to see what the GOP’s visionary had to say. The speech was about what the world is like in January 2013, after his first term:

We are still mired down in the Iraq quagmire, although “most” troops have returned. “We maintain a military presence” there, however, as we continue (forever?) “trying to finish the job.”

We will finally catch bin Laden. Ha!

The military/industrial/congressional complex will have ballooned in size: “The size of the Army and Marines has significantly increased.”

There are only two income tax rates, althouth McStrangelove didn’t say what the rates would be.

Every federal bureaucracy will be “reviewed” and made more efficient. And elephants will magically fly out of McStrangelove’s ears during his state-of-the-union speeches.

There will be new ten-thousand-pages-of-bureaucracy NAFTA-style trade agreements that allow governments to centrally plan world trade.

The federal bureaucracy will throw endless dollars down the rathole of “government job retraining programs,” an idea so stupid that most such programs were abandoned when the Democrats ran Congress prior to the Republican “revolution” of 1994.

The feds will “stabilize” obesity rates in children. (Rumor has it that former Congressmen Newt Gingrich and Dennis Hastert, along with Bill Bennett, will be in charge of this effort).

The feds will throw endless dollars down the even bigger rathole of “green technologies.”

The U.S. will occupy Sudan under the guise of “peacekeeping.”

Tax loopholes will be ended, i.e., your taxes are going up.

Extra efforts will be made to brainwash American children in the notion that “true happiness” comes from serving the state, not “pursuing self interest.” That is, true happiness comes from being a sacrificial lamb for the Republican Party, not from becoming educated, finding a job or starting a business, raising a family, living your life in peace.

“Public service” will be “reinvigorated.”

I’m afraid that’s all I could stand to listen to.

9:31 am on May 15, 2008