Mayor Institutes 24-Hour, Non-Stop Curfew

“We gonna pop [the drug dealers] in the head,” says Mayor Valley, who just instituted a 24-hour, non-stop curfew as part of an effort to reduce violence. This means that everyone in the area is essentially under house-arrest. The people who live there are not even allowed on their front lawns.

“Nobody can walk down the street and be safe, that is, be free from police interference,” says the mayor.

According to a local television station, not all locals are thrilled:

“I don’t think it’s right,” expresses Stevens. Some neighbors say they’re being unfairly punished for the crimes other people have committed. “They know exactly who’s doing the shooting, the robbery, but it seems like we’re never going to get any justice around here,” says Stevens. “We got kids down here. They should lock up these young folks that have been doing the shooting; don’t put us hostage or on lockdown,” complains Commons.

Fortunately, the good mayor’s staff has provided his cell phone number in case people have questions.

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5:21 pm on August 10, 2008